Basically after a three month gap here I've lost much motivation to carry on, and as someone recently described, I have a new lease of life, so much so that I'm almost a Clare v.2.0.
And there we have it, a new blog, found at;
http://clarev2.blogspot.com/
I can't be bothered to say more, just go there and shut up.
Thursday, 4 September 2008
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
Its the final countdown, do do do do do do do
Well here we are four months down the line from the first time America looked like a possibility and I guess it's time to say goodbye! I really really hate saying goodbye and I've had to say far too many in the last few days, not only because of America but to some of my closest friends who graduate this summer. So because of this I'm going to procrastinate from my farewells slightly longer by recounting my adventures from Monday night.
As you may, or may not, recall Monday was the night of the last hockey social. Now hockey is a game of many rules but one of the most important is, Broadgate hockey socials = horrifyingly drunk Clare (amongst others). You'll be please to know Monday was no exception. I won't mince my words, that was one of, if not THE best night of my university life. Firstly I did indeed become social secretary for nest year (thank you for your support guys) alongside Andy, which as you shall see, has trouble written all over it. Secondly I also won third team player of the season, as well as being our highest scoring player! A pretty good start to the evening before the drinking had even started it has to be said!
Anyway we moved onto a restaurant which provided us each with a bottle of wine and more food than anyone could eat before heading off to Oceana. Now I'm not a fan of Oceana on the whole, I have too many memories of completely losing people, but Monday was an exception. Apart from Charlie disappearing for half an hour and thus forcing Andy and I to drink his drink, we were all together pretty much all night. I had such an amazing time and it was such a perfect end to a year with some of the most fantastic people I know. I didn't think it could have been topped until Andy requested Frank Sinatra and it actually got played as the last song of the night!
It was only when we got in the taxi that events took a turn for the surreal. Charlie had the bright idea of trying to cross the lake on some 'stepping stones' he'd seen the other day, and in our slightly (read very) inebriated state Hephzi, Andy and I thought this was the best idea ever. Half an hour later we reached the lake, already soaked to the skin from the pouring rain, to discover that these 'stepping stones' were actually a fence with stone uprights which had pointed tops, presumably to stop the kind of thing we were about to attempt. However we continued regardless, minus Hephzi who decided the role of photographer was a more sensible idea. Me and the boys stripped off (my dress was brand new and hand wash only! -although I did steal Charlie's shirt to save some dignity and warmth!) and refused to admit defeat.
Needless to say, all did not go to plan, both Charlie and I fell in, and despite Andy's apparent success his legs bore the same cuts as ours in the end. Despite the cold, cuts and likely chances of tetanus and other such diseases it will go down as one of the highlights of my time in Nottingham, as well as one of the most surreal moments. I can't think how you top swimming the lake at five in the morning as the sun rose whilst singing Frank Sinatra to be honest.
Wow that must have been the longest account of one night ever, although it is quite hard to tell as I am drafting this in the smallest notebook the world has ever seen.
Anyway I think I've put it off long enough, however much I hate to do it. Goodbye folks, I hope you all have fantastic summers and those of you sitting exams get the results you want and need. I hope FFTW grows to be massive in the next three months and that when I return I can use my superior joining date to belittle all the noobs. Try not to miss me too much, I'm sure you'll be able to find another sarcastic, communist, anti-Semitic alcoholic without too much effort!
As you may, or may not, recall Monday was the night of the last hockey social. Now hockey is a game of many rules but one of the most important is, Broadgate hockey socials = horrifyingly drunk Clare (amongst others). You'll be please to know Monday was no exception. I won't mince my words, that was one of, if not THE best night of my university life. Firstly I did indeed become social secretary for nest year (thank you for your support guys) alongside Andy, which as you shall see, has trouble written all over it. Secondly I also won third team player of the season, as well as being our highest scoring player! A pretty good start to the evening before the drinking had even started it has to be said!
Anyway we moved onto a restaurant which provided us each with a bottle of wine and more food than anyone could eat before heading off to Oceana. Now I'm not a fan of Oceana on the whole, I have too many memories of completely losing people, but Monday was an exception. Apart from Charlie disappearing for half an hour and thus forcing Andy and I to drink his drink, we were all together pretty much all night. I had such an amazing time and it was such a perfect end to a year with some of the most fantastic people I know. I didn't think it could have been topped until Andy requested Frank Sinatra and it actually got played as the last song of the night!
It was only when we got in the taxi that events took a turn for the surreal. Charlie had the bright idea of trying to cross the lake on some 'stepping stones' he'd seen the other day, and in our slightly (read very) inebriated state Hephzi, Andy and I thought this was the best idea ever. Half an hour later we reached the lake, already soaked to the skin from the pouring rain, to discover that these 'stepping stones' were actually a fence with stone uprights which had pointed tops, presumably to stop the kind of thing we were about to attempt. However we continued regardless, minus Hephzi who decided the role of photographer was a more sensible idea. Me and the boys stripped off (my dress was brand new and hand wash only! -although I did steal Charlie's shirt to save some dignity and warmth!) and refused to admit defeat.
Needless to say, all did not go to plan, both Charlie and I fell in, and despite Andy's apparent success his legs bore the same cuts as ours in the end. Despite the cold, cuts and likely chances of tetanus and other such diseases it will go down as one of the highlights of my time in Nottingham, as well as one of the most surreal moments. I can't think how you top swimming the lake at five in the morning as the sun rose whilst singing Frank Sinatra to be honest.
Wow that must have been the longest account of one night ever, although it is quite hard to tell as I am drafting this in the smallest notebook the world has ever seen.
Anyway I think I've put it off long enough, however much I hate to do it. Goodbye folks, I hope you all have fantastic summers and those of you sitting exams get the results you want and need. I hope FFTW grows to be massive in the next three months and that when I return I can use my superior joining date to belittle all the noobs. Try not to miss me too much, I'm sure you'll be able to find another sarcastic, communist, anti-Semitic alcoholic without too much effort!
Monday, 2 June 2008
Bits and pieces, the penultimate episode.
Well I am basically blogging through lack of anything to do, all my flatmates have gone home and I’m only here to go to my hockey social this evening. Most of my stuff has already been taken home, so I’m left with a couple of sets of clothes, my computer, a book, a sleeping bag, wash stuff and half a bottle of wine. Granted the last of those could make any of the previous items seem distinctly more fun, but if I start drinking now, I’ll actually die tomorrow morning when trying to get the train home.
Well Friday night was Hannah’s last night in 
Anyway on Saturday it was the Summer Party, which was an absolutely amazing day. I have to say though, they definitely mucked up the line up. L
ethal Bizzle was on at about five o’clock but easily had a bigger and more active audience than anyone (except maybe Goldie Lookin Chain) until The Maccabees at half past nine. And in fact, I enjoyed some of the acts prior to Lethal Bizzle, most notably, The Franks (http://www.myspace.com/thefranksuk), (the lead guitarist was HOT) and Bipolar Bear, much more than some of the ones that followed, The Courteeners for example, didn’t live up to my hopes. But no seriously a really good day, Lethal Bizzle was brilliant, GLC were as entertaining as ever and told us all to start taking drugs and give three cheers for Red Tube, The Maccabees were pretty awesome, but one of the most uncool looking bands out there, and the fat old drummer from Fun Loving Criminals did a stage dive, I’m surprised he wasn’t hurt, I’d have leapt out of the way.
Good day all round although I was exhausted by the end, but seriously if nothing else check out The Franks on myspace they’re brilliant. ‘Take you r hands off me, I don’t know where they’ve been, I don’t know what they mean’.
birthday. I t was a bit weird I have to be honest, I kind of felt like they were invading my university life. We weren’t in Nottingham proper for that long at least, as the restaurant we were in was a bit of
Sunday, 1 June 2008
Reflection and Pride
This was written a couple of days ago, but its taken until now to transfer it, the original can be found at http://forumsftw.com/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=207 , along with the pictures which I'm too lazy to put here.
I've been writing different blogs of late, the last one barely counts as was more a case of damage limitation, and self preservation, although I guess to an extent thats to be expected. Life is a bit strange when you are counting down the days til you travel to a foreign country for three months, with very little idea of quite what you'll be doing, or quite what contact you'll have with anyone from home. Not only that of course, but as some of you may know, Clare hasn't been 100% herself as of late, its funny how much of an impact some things can have on you despite your best efforts to ignore them.
Anyway before this turns too cryptic I'll move on. This entry again, won't be quite the norm. Not only for the reasons above but also as I haven't been up to much of interest, that a paragraph shall suffice, and finally because I'm writing this blog with more of a purpose than I often have.
That being said I’ll briefly fill you in with what I have been doing as I know people have probably completely lost track of where I am, I’m having enough problems knowing myself! So after I got back from London I was at home for about a week and a half, in that time I worked at good old Cattle Country (http://www.cattlecountry.co.uk/) for a few days to get some money. I’ve been working there four years its all a bit insane really. I love the guys that work there so much, especially the older ones who I’ve worked with for so long. I’m gonna miss them this summer, first one in five years I won’t be working there, that being said, I think it may be a good thing. There’s a hell of a lot of chemistry between me and one of the new guys who works there, (a lot like Jak last summer, and we know how that ended up) and I won’t deny it he’s hot, but he’s also 16. That’s like paedophilia almost, ok its not at all, but I can’t imagine the stick I’d get.
Anyway other than that I’ve just seen my grandparents, eaten more cake than I’d care to think about (2 birthdays and grandparents visiting), and hung out a lot with Jamie. Jamie is a complete legend, I love him to bits, I never laugh more than when I’m with him. He’s the only one finished uni out of my home friends so its just been the two of us which has been really cool. We’ve wasted hours just wandering around town or watching crappy day time TV. The highlights were easily watching Die Hard 4.0, I can’t believe how much I enjoyed that film, slightly ridiculous really. Its not even an amazing film, but I was just in the perfect mood for it, and also the pub yesterday afternoon. I can’t drink in the middle of the day to save my life, two pints of cider and the afternoon was ruled out, as was far too much of my money on that bloody IT box. Never go on them kids, you just don’t win.
Anyhow, I’m now back in Nottingham for a few days until Tuesday, basically just for a few social things before I go to America, Summer Party tomorrow and hockey end of year social on Monday.
And this leads us to the purpose of this blog. I’m currently procrastinating from my least favourite job in the world, packing. Its that time of year that I have to strip my walls and pack away all my belongings and drive them the 150 odd miles back to childhood home. I’ve been lucky this year in that I’ve only had to do it once, compared to the three times at the end of each term in halls last year. I’ve always found packing really depressing, although I can’t say why, but now at the end of the second year of my degree I’m finding the process a much more reflective one than usual.
I guess to an extent, as with everything at the moment, this is linked to America and my current stage of self reflection, but its more than that, next year I’ll graduate, and have to make the next step. Up until now the next step was always in place, ever since I started school I was going to university, the only questions were where and studying what. But now that’s no longer the case, now I make the first step into the unknown. All of this builds up, so that as I take the photos down from the wall, I’ve begun to reflect on my second year at university.
Most people reading this won’t have known me before my second year so let me give you a little background. This is something that I’ve only admitted to myself over the last six months and told no one before, but I didn’t really enjoy my first year at uni, and it was largely my fault. I’ve said for a while 2007 was one of the worst years of my life, and that isn’t because it was terrible, but because most of the others were damn good. I fell into the trap at uni which I think a lot of first years do, of not throwing yourself into enough stuff and getting involved. I wasn’t all that confident in my first year, and although I met a lot of people I didn’t form many close friendships, which is why I found myself applying to live in a flat with people I didn’t know rather than in a house with a group of friends.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have no friends last year, or stay inside the whole time. But I was quite lonely, not helped of course by the end of a two year relationship, and having such close friends at home. I think at the time I admitted to Berni that I often looked forward to going home, because I had much better friends there. Anyway I went into this year with a different attitude. Although I didn’t notice it my confidence had improved over the first year, and it was something I noticed a lot at work in the summer, I was a much more central component of the staff in terms of socialising than I’d been previously. So second year began and I threw myself into everything, including orchestra, yoga, and most importantly hockey, as well as on my course talking to people I wouldn’t have done before.
And now I can look back and see the success I have achieved. I’ve absolutely loved pretty much every second of my second year. My group of friends has expanded massively, and I have many closer friends and a couple I would trust with my life, which is something I missed last year. The hockey lot are one of the best bunches of people I have ever met, and I’ve met so many people through them as well. I’ve been so much more confident talking to people on my course, in lectures and seminars as well. I’m no longer the one who sits there and struggles to think of anything to reply with, I’m the one guiding the conversation, or even organising the nights out.
On Monday its our end of year hockey social, in which they hand out the awards and organise the committee positions for next year. I’m running for social sec, and stand a bloody good chance of getting it. In my eyes social secretaries are always the really popular people, who know everyone, and are liked by everyone. The fact that I am running for that position in a society I absolutely love to bits, makes me incredibly proud, and really reflects the change I’ve made from the first year to the second year.
I am so proud of what I’ve achieved, and regardless of my exam results, which I can’t think will be all that terrible, I have had a really fantastic year. And I wouldn’t change a second of it.
I've been writing different blogs of late, the last one barely counts as was more a case of damage limitation, and self preservation, although I guess to an extent thats to be expected. Life is a bit strange when you are counting down the days til you travel to a foreign country for three months, with very little idea of quite what you'll be doing, or quite what contact you'll have with anyone from home. Not only that of course, but as some of you may know, Clare hasn't been 100% herself as of late, its funny how much of an impact some things can have on you despite your best efforts to ignore them.
Anyway before this turns too cryptic I'll move on. This entry again, won't be quite the norm. Not only for the reasons above but also as I haven't been up to much of interest, that a paragraph shall suffice, and finally because I'm writing this blog with more of a purpose than I often have.
That being said I’ll briefly fill you in with what I have been doing as I know people have probably completely lost track of where I am, I’m having enough problems knowing myself! So after I got back from London I was at home for about a week and a half, in that time I worked at good old Cattle Country (http://www.cattlecountry.co.uk/) for a few days to get some money. I’ve been working there four years its all a bit insane really. I love the guys that work there so much, especially the older ones who I’ve worked with for so long. I’m gonna miss them this summer, first one in five years I won’t be working there, that being said, I think it may be a good thing. There’s a hell of a lot of chemistry between me and one of the new guys who works there, (a lot like Jak last summer, and we know how that ended up) and I won’t deny it he’s hot, but he’s also 16. That’s like paedophilia almost, ok its not at all, but I can’t imagine the stick I’d get.
Anyway other than that I’ve just seen my grandparents, eaten more cake than I’d care to think about (2 birthdays and grandparents visiting), and hung out a lot with Jamie. Jamie is a complete legend, I love him to bits, I never laugh more than when I’m with him. He’s the only one finished uni out of my home friends so its just been the two of us which has been really cool. We’ve wasted hours just wandering around town or watching crappy day time TV. The highlights were easily watching Die Hard 4.0, I can’t believe how much I enjoyed that film, slightly ridiculous really. Its not even an amazing film, but I was just in the perfect mood for it, and also the pub yesterday afternoon. I can’t drink in the middle of the day to save my life, two pints of cider and the afternoon was ruled out, as was far too much of my money on that bloody IT box. Never go on them kids, you just don’t win.
Anyhow, I’m now back in Nottingham for a few days until Tuesday, basically just for a few social things before I go to America, Summer Party tomorrow and hockey end of year social on Monday.
And this leads us to the purpose of this blog. I’m currently procrastinating from my least favourite job in the world, packing. Its that time of year that I have to strip my walls and pack away all my belongings and drive them the 150 odd miles back to childhood home. I’ve been lucky this year in that I’ve only had to do it once, compared to the three times at the end of each term in halls last year. I’ve always found packing really depressing, although I can’t say why, but now at the end of the second year of my degree I’m finding the process a much more reflective one than usual.
I guess to an extent, as with everything at the moment, this is linked to America and my current stage of self reflection, but its more than that, next year I’ll graduate, and have to make the next step. Up until now the next step was always in place, ever since I started school I was going to university, the only questions were where and studying what. But now that’s no longer the case, now I make the first step into the unknown. All of this builds up, so that as I take the photos down from the wall, I’ve begun to reflect on my second year at university.
Most people reading this won’t have known me before my second year so let me give you a little background. This is something that I’ve only admitted to myself over the last six months and told no one before, but I didn’t really enjoy my first year at uni, and it was largely my fault. I’ve said for a while 2007 was one of the worst years of my life, and that isn’t because it was terrible, but because most of the others were damn good. I fell into the trap at uni which I think a lot of first years do, of not throwing yourself into enough stuff and getting involved. I wasn’t all that confident in my first year, and although I met a lot of people I didn’t form many close friendships, which is why I found myself applying to live in a flat with people I didn’t know rather than in a house with a group of friends.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have no friends last year, or stay inside the whole time. But I was quite lonely, not helped of course by the end of a two year relationship, and having such close friends at home. I think at the time I admitted to Berni that I often looked forward to going home, because I had much better friends there. Anyway I went into this year with a different attitude. Although I didn’t notice it my confidence had improved over the first year, and it was something I noticed a lot at work in the summer, I was a much more central component of the staff in terms of socialising than I’d been previously. So second year began and I threw myself into everything, including orchestra, yoga, and most importantly hockey, as well as on my course talking to people I wouldn’t have done before.
And now I can look back and see the success I have achieved. I’ve absolutely loved pretty much every second of my second year. My group of friends has expanded massively, and I have many closer friends and a couple I would trust with my life, which is something I missed last year. The hockey lot are one of the best bunches of people I have ever met, and I’ve met so many people through them as well. I’ve been so much more confident talking to people on my course, in lectures and seminars as well. I’m no longer the one who sits there and struggles to think of anything to reply with, I’m the one guiding the conversation, or even organising the nights out.
On Monday its our end of year hockey social, in which they hand out the awards and organise the committee positions for next year. I’m running for social sec, and stand a bloody good chance of getting it. In my eyes social secretaries are always the really popular people, who know everyone, and are liked by everyone. The fact that I am running for that position in a society I absolutely love to bits, makes me incredibly proud, and really reflects the change I’ve made from the first year to the second year.
I am so proud of what I’ve achieved, and regardless of my exam results, which I can’t think will be all that terrible, I have had a really fantastic year. And I wouldn’t change a second of it.
Thursday, 22 May 2008
Wow, this blog is quite intimidating to write as I have done SO much in the last few days, I dread to think what it'll be like when I get back from America. I remember when I went o Argentina for a month back in 2005, I tried to keep a diary (bear in mind I did successfully kept a diary for 4 years), but the days were so long and so full that I got behind, and ended up writing up several days at a time and it was just such hard work. Anyway I shall get on with it.
Firstly of course I sat my last exam on Thursday, which I think went alright, w
ell enough at least, I even did the question on medieval urbanization after complaining about it so much. I then struggled to go to the doctors and stay awake paid £60 for someone to tell me I was a healthy weight and fitness came back and went to bed. Anyway the next couple of days involved drinking, shopping, sleeping, and watching Jar head. Excellent film, HOT actor, the whole no hair, no clothes thing worked nicely too. Nice in depth review for you there.
ell enough at least, I even did the question on medieval urbanization after complaining about it so much. I then struggled to go to the doctors and stay awake paid £60 for someone to tell me I was a healthy weight and fitness came back and went to bed. Anyway the next couple of days involved drinking, shopping, sleeping, and watching Jar head. Excellent film, HOT actor, the whole no hair, no clothes thing worked nicely too. Nice in depth review for you there.And then on Saturday I went to London! Seriously probably the best four days of 2008 so far, or at least best cluster of days. The bus journey there was just painful, the fat dude in front of me reclined his chair and then some silly little Asian woman sat next to me so I had like no space to move, coupled with the fact it is now law to wear a seat belt, the bottom half of my body went completely numb. I did have a nice text conversation with someone I hadn't heard from in ages, simply as the bus stopped in Milton Keynes where he lives. Anyway got to London eventually then had to make it across London to where my friend Charlotte lives. She's only in zone two so its not actually that far, however she happens to love at the end of the one tube line (The East London line) which is closed for improvements and extensions due to the Olympic games, so we had to take an overground train as well, still it wasn't too bad, not rush hour or anything.
After bumming around for a bit we decided to go to Harrods as I'd never been and Charlotte hadn't been whilst actu
ally living in London. We spent literally about 3 hours walking around it just looking at everything and pretending we had enough money to buy things. I felt like such a tramp walking around the designer clothes in ripped jeans and a university hoodie. I enjoyed laughing at the flip flops which were £499 however. We decided that we really wanted to buy something though, mainly for the bag, so we found some amazing pens which had hands on the end, and were within our budget as they cost £1.95. Then the till wouldn't work properly and the sales assistant joked that we'd broken it by spending too much, haha, that was so much funnier at the time than it is in text. After that we went back to Charlotte's flat again cos it was freezing and we couldn't think of anything better to do really.
ally living in London. We spent literally about 3 hours walking around it just looking at everything and pretending we had enough money to buy things. I felt like such a tramp walking around the designer clothes in ripped jeans and a university hoodie. I enjoyed laughing at the flip flops which were £499 however. We decided that we really wanted to buy something though, mainly for the bag, so we found some amazing pens which had hands on the end, and were within our budget as they cost £1.95. Then the till wouldn't work properly and the sales assistant joked that we'd broken it by spending too much, haha, that was so much funnier at the time than it is in text. After that we went back to Charlotte's flat again cos it was freezing and we couldn't think of anything better to do really. In the evening we had a huge debate about whether to go out or not, but we decided against it as by the time we would have got there it would h
ave been £9 to get in and then expensive drinks and we're both cheapskates and I was exhausted. Instead we took the bus into the centre which takes a lot longer than the train but you get to see more of the sights as it goes through Westminster etc. although it was pretty much dark by this time as we left about half ten ish. Got off at Piccadilly Circus which was packed, being a Saturday night but an amazing atmosphere that I've never experienced before, it was a weekend a bit like that actually. Anyhow wondered through Leicester Square and eventually stumbled across what we'd been looking for, China Town! Again somewhere I've never been on my trips to London, its not huge, but still really busy even at quarter to midnight which it was by then. So yeah we went for a Chinese meal at midnight, in a restaurant Charlotte had only ever been to when completely wasted, which although not much of a recommendation proved good enough as the food was amazing. We ended up ordering far too much, overhearing a conversation between a man and a woman on the next table which was very deep and concerned childhood abuse etc. we couldn't for the life of us work out what the relationship was between them, although I hope for the sake of the bloke it wasn't a first date, cos that woman was a lunatic if it was. Then we drank more Chinese tea than can be healthy and left the restaurant at half one feeling like a giant vat of water.
ave been £9 to get in and then expensive drinks and we're both cheapskates and I was exhausted. Instead we took the bus into the centre which takes a lot longer than the train but you get to see more of the sights as it goes through Westminster etc. although it was pretty much dark by this time as we left about half ten ish. Got off at Piccadilly Circus which was packed, being a Saturday night but an amazing atmosphere that I've never experienced before, it was a weekend a bit like that actually. Anyhow wondered through Leicester Square and eventually stumbled across what we'd been looking for, China Town! Again somewhere I've never been on my trips to London, its not huge, but still really busy even at quarter to midnight which it was by then. So yeah we went for a Chinese meal at midnight, in a restaurant Charlotte had only ever been to when completely wasted, which although not much of a recommendation proved good enough as the food was amazing. We ended up ordering far too much, overhearing a conversation between a man and a woman on the next table which was very deep and concerned childhood abuse etc. we couldn't for the life of us work out what the relationship was between them, although I hope for the sake of the bloke it wasn't a first date, cos that woman was a lunatic if it was. Then we drank more Chinese tea than can be healthy and left the restaurant at half one feeling like a giant vat of water.Needless to say the next morning we did not get up very early. When we eventually did we went to Spitalfield Market, yet another place I'd never been, but it was amazing. I could have spent sooo much money, I restrained myself though and bought only a lovely new purse, a couple of scarves, a poster and an old copy of Pride and Prejudice, cos we only have hardback leather bound version. Again it was a really different atmosphere to I was used to, much less touristy than the parts of London I know, then we wondered down Brick Lane where all the indie kids hang out. Some amazing retro clothes shops down there, but I'd already spent far too much money that day so I resisted. We went to the most amazing American diner though and had fries and the most orgasmic milkshakes the world has ever witnessed. Chocolate with peanut butter added for 50p more, it was like a liquid snickers, OMGOSH so good.
When we finally decided to brave the
cold again, it was freezing in London this weekend we went to Covent Garden through lack of anything better to do. First of all we watched some crazy guy battle his way out of a straight jacket, which he nearly didn't manage actually. Then an even crazier guy stripped off down to only some ridiculously small gold shiny pants, and juggled a chain saw. One of the funniest things I've seen actually his act, but again not something that I can put across in text I don't think. Didn't get up to much that evening, Charlotte had work she had to do,and I bummed around in front of the film Honey, as I'd never seen it, and Charlotte's film collection is notoriously awful. The problem with this film, is not even is the plot rubbish, but the dancing is too, oh well.
Anyway on Monday Charlotte had uni so I got most of the day to bum around
on my own. Started off on Oxford Street as that was where her classes were. I tried desperately hard not to spend too much money, and failed, I did buy my dad and my brother their birthday presents though which was good of me. Ate lunch people watching at Trafalgar Square then went to the National Portrait Museum which I've been to before but love, and its free. I spent absolutely hour sin the Tudor rooms, being a complete and utter history geek, reading every single little sign. It just seems amazing to me, that the pictures you see in all the textbooks, were right there, in front of me, ah, GEEK. I decided to be a proper tourist and went to the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben for a bit, just from the outside, although I wish I'd gone inside I'd probably have seen some of the debates about Abortion which were pretty lively from what I saw on the news, ah well, I don't know how easy it is to get in there nowadays anyway. From there I wondered up to the London eye and talked to a crazy drunk man, he was very friendly though.
cold again, it was freezing in London this weekend we went to Covent Garden through lack of anything better to do. First of all we watched some crazy guy battle his way out of a straight jacket, which he nearly didn't manage actually. Then an even crazier guy stripped off down to only some ridiculously small gold shiny pants, and juggled a chain saw. One of the funniest things I've seen actually his act, but again not something that I can put across in text I don't think. Didn't get up to much that evening, Charlotte had work she had to do,and I bummed around in front of the film Honey, as I'd never seen it, and Charlotte's film collection is notoriously awful. The problem with this film, is not even is the plot rubbish, but the dancing is too, oh well.Anyway on Monday Charlotte had uni so I got most of the day to bum around
on my own. Started off on Oxford Street as that was where her classes were. I tried desperately hard not to spend too much money, and failed, I did buy my dad and my brother their birthday presents though which was good of me. Ate lunch people watching at Trafalgar Square then went to the National Portrait Museum which I've been to before but love, and its free. I spent absolutely hour sin the Tudor rooms, being a complete and utter history geek, reading every single little sign. It just seems amazing to me, that the pictures you see in all the textbooks, were right there, in front of me, ah, GEEK. I decided to be a proper tourist and went to the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben for a bit, just from the outside, although I wish I'd gone inside I'd probably have seen some of the debates about Abortion which were pretty lively from what I saw on the news, ah well, I don't know how easy it is to get in there nowadays anyway. From there I wondered up to the London eye and talked to a crazy drunk man, he was very friendly though.
When I met back up with Charlotte at London Bridge station we finally had the Krisy Kreme we'd been craving for days, and damn was it good.In the evening we had the usual dilemma of where to go out and instead decided to have a mini cocktail, drinking games night in instead. That was after helping Charlotte's friend Rupert film some UFOs, which he later edited into a video with a Pendulum soundtrack, I wish I could remember the youtube address. I am so jealous of their courses, they all look so much fun! So yeah we all got rather drunk, Charlotte managed to break her flatmate Romy's finger by trapping it in the window, I got two hours sleep then had to run across London via Waterloo to drop off my bag to the US Embassy.
The embassy wasn't half as bad as I expected actually, I was in there less than 45 minutes, and the whole process including the queue took little over an hour. I had to have all my fingerprints taken which is a bit extreme but other than that the security wasn't particularly over the top. So until my bus I went to the V and A, which I love to bits. Unfortunately I was knackered and nearly fell asleep on the tube, so didn't really have the energy to look round everywhere. still i looked round a fantastic exhibition on books, and some of the other ones, then got the tube to Leicester Square an date MacDonald's in the sun, classy I know, before going to Waterloo and collecting my bag. Nearly dying carrying it across London and getting my bus home.
So yeah, bloody good few days. Bloody long blog post. Good times.
Tuesday, 13 May 2008
Completely pointless blog.
Ok so basically I’m blogging because Matty bugged me too. I am sitting here now thinking, what the hell am I going to talk about? As I have actually NOTHING to say.
So right the other day I did some revision, and then you’ll never guess what, the next day I did some MORE revision. Exciting stuff eh? I bet you are all jealous of my life! I lie actually, yesterday I actually did something slightly different, I sat an exam! I won’t bore you with the details of that one but I think it went alright, I basically have to chose three essay questions out of ten, and I had two good question and one alright one, so I can’t complain. Three hour exams suck big time though, when I come out I am completely exhausted. Georgie didn’t think she was alright to drive when we came out, she’d only had an hour and a half’s sleep the night before too, so we grabbed ice creams and sat by the lakeside for a bit, which was nice.
The lakeside is lovely actually, we have a beautiful campus but the lake really wins, especially towards the far end with the café and the art gallery, where dare I say it, THE GENERAL PUBLIC chill out as well. Its funny living on a campus or in a student area, its not often you see kids, its almost nice when you go down to the lakeside and see them bawling their eyes out, reminds you there actually is a world outside the little bubble of studentdom.
So right the other day I did some revision, and then you’ll never guess what, the next day I did some MORE revision. Exciting stuff eh? I bet you are all jealous of my life! I lie actually, yesterday I actually did something slightly different, I sat an exam! I won’t bore you with the details of that one but I think it went alright, I basically have to chose three essay questions out of ten, and I had two good question and one alright one, so I can’t complain. Three hour exams suck big time though, when I come out I am completely exhausted. Georgie didn’t think she was alright to drive when we came out, she’d only had an hour and a half’s sleep the night before too, so we grabbed ice creams and sat by the lakeside for a bit, which was nice.
The lakeside is lovely actually, we have a beautiful campus but the lake really wins, especially towards the far end with the café and the art gallery, where dare I say it, THE GENERAL PUBLIC chill out as well. Its funny living on a campus or in a student area, its not often you see kids, its almost nice when you go down to the lakeside and see them bawling their eyes out, reminds you there actually is a world outside the little bubble of studentdom.
The weather is still stunning, today wasn’t quite so nice, a lot cooler though which is actually a bit of a blessing working in the heat is unbearable, and cooking, yuck. I’m hoping this isn’t the end of the nice weather what with finishing my exams on Thursday but knowing sods law it will be. I’m already planning what to do once I finish, my exam ends at 12, but I have a doctor appointment which includes getting my blood pressure taken so that rules out drinking before 3. The annoying thing is none of my friends have finished exams so there’s no one around willing to get wasted with me. I think I’ve managed to talk Kayleigh into going to the SU Bar, Mooch (I know great name) with me in the evening cos she wants Strongbow, and their nachos are divine! So I’ll just have two pints to her one and it’ll be a good enough way to relax, and one I bloody well need I’ll tell you that.
On Friday I am thinking recovery through shopping. I really want a nice summery dress, I have the hockey formal in a couple of weeks time and although I have one I can wear, a girl always wants new dresses. I’ve been having a browse on the old internet and there are so many lovely dresses around at the moment, but buying them is never as easy as you hope! I love love love this one, http://www.newlook.co.uk/1404947/140494719/ProductDetails.aspx but I just know it’ll be too short on me. Ah well, I’m holding out for H&M I’ve had some lovely (and cheap!) dresses from there before. I also need a new bikini, one isn’t going to last me the summer if I’m swim teaching. And I really want an identical pair of flip-flops to the ones I got from Primark a few weeks ago because I have never ever worn a pair so comfortable in my life.
Then afterwards if its still nice weather I think I’m gonna head off to Wollaton Park which is like twenty minutes
from my house, or five minutes off of the North Side of campus, and lie in the sun with a book. Wollaton Park is gorgeous with a lovely old house, which I’ve actually not been into and a mahoosive lake. I’ve only been a couple of times, but its so relaxed, seems completely out of the city almost, fantastic for walking or running around as well, but I doubt I’ll have the energy for that.
And then on Saturday I’m going to London, woop! Staying with my friend Charlotte as she seems to be about the only person in the world who doesn’t have exams because she studies fashion! Looking forward to being a general geeky tourist, I have all day Monday to myself as she has uni all day, so I’ll get to explore. Then a visa appointment on Tuesday, I’m expecting to be in the US embassy allllll day, the most ridiculous thing though, is that because they now take all ten finger prints, if I get a cut on ANY of my fingers they have to cancel the appointment, and thus leave it too late for my flight out to America now. Just to prove I’m not a bloody criminal, its ridiculous.
On a final note, I’m going to be a millionaire. Kayleigh and I had an amazing idea over dinner, we’re gonna set up a business where you can ring a number and it’ll talk to you, or text a number and it’ll text you back. So you can look popular if needs be, or avoid someone! How many times have you, or have you seen someone blatantly pretend to be on the phone to avoid talking to someone! They’ll be automated conversations, and may even give instructions like, ‘Say yes now’ for those people who are hopeless actors. Someone is now about to tell me this company already exists and I’ll be devastated.
Completely pointless blog over and out.
Sunday, 11 May 2008
A blog that will no doubt be deleted
. . . at a future date, as I fear it may be very emo and turn into a bit of a rant. Nonetheless my blog section is empty and I really need just to write this uninterrupted to give myself time to think and clarify things in my own head.
As most of you probably know from my moanings across FFTW in the last couple of days, I’ve been a tad bit stressed. Exams always do this to me, exams or essay deadlines at least. However believe it or not that’s actually only a recent development, during A levels and GCSEs and even in my first year at uni last year, I never had the problems I seem to have this year. Granted every year is gonna get more intense etc. etc. but this is a sudden leap and I don’t like it.
Its not even the stress per se which is the problem, it’s the side effects of it. Physically I’ve been a wreck, I’ve barely eaten or slept in days, and when I have I’ve eaten crap (a whole 12 inch takeaway pizza, yuck) and had horrible dreams. I have bags under my eyes the size of China and more headaches than normal. I’m emotionally a wreck, I’ve cried more in the last couple of weeks than probably since January or even before put together. And worst of all, as per usual, I’ve pushed away from me the people I care about, I do this every single fucking time! I’ve lost a best friend of 16 years in the last few weeks, although granted not entirely my doing, I’ve made my mum cry which is an absolutely horrible thing to do to your own mother, I’ve pissed other friends off to the extent they are avoiding me until exams are over and I’ve lost someone that could have potentially been a very good friend, as I have far less control over my mouth and temper when I’m stressed, at the expense of other peoples feelings.
Anyway, blatant moan paragraph out of the way. I feel a bit like a broken record, as it always seems to happen nowadays. People have as always in their unfaltering patience been there for me, and I could name drop all I wanted but they know who they are, and know how grateful I am to them for never giving up on me, and not getting bored of my ‘ZOMG I’M SO STRESSED, LIKE I WANT TO CRY, FUCKING PEOPLE’ rants. But all of this has called into question who I actually am.
Callum said something last night which made me think, looking back on it, he may well have already been sloshed, but still it seemed to make a lot of sense nonetheless. He said to me, you seem to be overly consumed in who Clare is, and I think he has a point. I seem to be suffering a bit of an identity crisis almost. Since I don’t know maybe 2 years ago when I started uni, I’ve always known who I was, and always liked who I was, sure I’ve changed in that time, in confidence more than anything and sure I have my faults, don’t we all? That’s what makes people so fascinating. But the point is I’ve always known who I was and been happy with that, until recently.What first made me think this, is what I see as an over-dependence on people. I’ve always prided myself on being independent, sure I need some people around, but I don’t like having to rely solely on other people and not myself. This is reflected perhaps more online than elsewhere. I think I’m safe in saying that pretty much everyone here knows who Clare is, the fundamentals I mean, like what subject I do at uni, how old I am, what uni I’m at, some of my main viewpoints and likes and dislikes etc. But I doubt many of you could tell me a lot more, and there’s a reason for that, whilst I’m perfectly willing to tell of past stories, I’m very reluctant of telling people what I’m thinking at any particular time in great depth, and as a result most people here, don’t really know me. I think I can count the number of people (online) that have really got to know Clare inside and out with all her faults, on two fingers both of whom I’ve known for more than a year, this even discounts people I’ve leant on recently in times of need. Everyone else sees the Clare that faces the world, the tough Clare, the generally happy Clare, the sarcastic Clare. I was once told by someone I worked with that I was the most genuine person he’s ever met, which to this day I’ve viewed as one of the biggest compliments I have ever received. And I’d still like to think I was true, I haven’t been lying to any of you like some people we could mention, you just haven’t seen the whole picture, you’ve seen one side of Clare, the public face, the defence mechanism, the strong independent Clare. The point is I think that I seem to be losing that more and more recently, it is becoming more and more just a face to put on the world, as I’ve leant on more people and not been able to get by on my own. I seem to be losing the very essence which is Clare. Or at least, what I see to be Clare.
So time for the accusations? This will sound incredibly selfish but I think over recent months I’ve always been there for other people and perhaps a little too much, if anyone asks for help I’m always willing to help, if anyone is down I will try stupidly hard to cheer them up, and don’t get me wrong, I enjoy doing it, but I think in giving other people all my time, I’ve let time for myself drift out the window, I’m becoming watered down almost. Now this isn’t an accusation against anyone I’ve helped in recent times cos most of you have helped me at some point too so I can’t fault you for that, its just a cumulative thing.
Anyway the point is. I think, I’m now on a mission to refind myself. Most aspects are still very much there, I am as determined as ever, as much up for a laugh as ever and as bloody stubborn as ever. But I need to re find the independence which I thrive on, and perhaps more than that, reflect on my priorities. I have an exam tomorrow and another one on Thursday but then essentially I am free until uni starts in September. As you all know by now, and if you don’t you must have been living in a cave, I’m going to America for three months this summer, until now I’d been seeing it as just an awesome experience, now I’m seeing it as a chance to get away, particularly it has to be said from the internet, which has been having a negative impact on me as of late. 3 months in a foreign country living and working with kids should, I hope, give me the time I need step back from thinking about being Clare, and just being her and getting on with it. So when I return in September beautifully tanned, I’ll have found myself without even trying. And then, when I click on my favourite favourite at the top of the screen and scream, “I’M BAAAAAACK!” I bloody well will be.
In hindsight this was a lot less emo than I thought it would be.
*gives myself a pat on the back*
'Pologies to anyone other than the FFTW crew, it was written originally for there and I can't be bothered to remove the references.
As most of you probably know from my moanings across FFTW in the last couple of days, I’ve been a tad bit stressed. Exams always do this to me, exams or essay deadlines at least. However believe it or not that’s actually only a recent development, during A levels and GCSEs and even in my first year at uni last year, I never had the problems I seem to have this year. Granted every year is gonna get more intense etc. etc. but this is a sudden leap and I don’t like it.
Its not even the stress per se which is the problem, it’s the side effects of it. Physically I’ve been a wreck, I’ve barely eaten or slept in days, and when I have I’ve eaten crap (a whole 12 inch takeaway pizza, yuck) and had horrible dreams. I have bags under my eyes the size of China and more headaches than normal. I’m emotionally a wreck, I’ve cried more in the last couple of weeks than probably since January or even before put together. And worst of all, as per usual, I’ve pushed away from me the people I care about, I do this every single fucking time! I’ve lost a best friend of 16 years in the last few weeks, although granted not entirely my doing, I’ve made my mum cry which is an absolutely horrible thing to do to your own mother, I’ve pissed other friends off to the extent they are avoiding me until exams are over and I’ve lost someone that could have potentially been a very good friend, as I have far less control over my mouth and temper when I’m stressed, at the expense of other peoples feelings.
Anyway, blatant moan paragraph out of the way. I feel a bit like a broken record, as it always seems to happen nowadays. People have as always in their unfaltering patience been there for me, and I could name drop all I wanted but they know who they are, and know how grateful I am to them for never giving up on me, and not getting bored of my ‘ZOMG I’M SO STRESSED, LIKE I WANT TO CRY, FUCKING PEOPLE’ rants. But all of this has called into question who I actually am.
Callum said something last night which made me think, looking back on it, he may well have already been sloshed, but still it seemed to make a lot of sense nonetheless. He said to me, you seem to be overly consumed in who Clare is, and I think he has a point. I seem to be suffering a bit of an identity crisis almost. Since I don’t know maybe 2 years ago when I started uni, I’ve always known who I was, and always liked who I was, sure I’ve changed in that time, in confidence more than anything and sure I have my faults, don’t we all? That’s what makes people so fascinating. But the point is I’ve always known who I was and been happy with that, until recently.What first made me think this, is what I see as an over-dependence on people. I’ve always prided myself on being independent, sure I need some people around, but I don’t like having to rely solely on other people and not myself. This is reflected perhaps more online than elsewhere. I think I’m safe in saying that pretty much everyone here knows who Clare is, the fundamentals I mean, like what subject I do at uni, how old I am, what uni I’m at, some of my main viewpoints and likes and dislikes etc. But I doubt many of you could tell me a lot more, and there’s a reason for that, whilst I’m perfectly willing to tell of past stories, I’m very reluctant of telling people what I’m thinking at any particular time in great depth, and as a result most people here, don’t really know me. I think I can count the number of people (online) that have really got to know Clare inside and out with all her faults, on two fingers both of whom I’ve known for more than a year, this even discounts people I’ve leant on recently in times of need. Everyone else sees the Clare that faces the world, the tough Clare, the generally happy Clare, the sarcastic Clare. I was once told by someone I worked with that I was the most genuine person he’s ever met, which to this day I’ve viewed as one of the biggest compliments I have ever received. And I’d still like to think I was true, I haven’t been lying to any of you like some people we could mention, you just haven’t seen the whole picture, you’ve seen one side of Clare, the public face, the defence mechanism, the strong independent Clare. The point is I think that I seem to be losing that more and more recently, it is becoming more and more just a face to put on the world, as I’ve leant on more people and not been able to get by on my own. I seem to be losing the very essence which is Clare. Or at least, what I see to be Clare.
So time for the accusations? This will sound incredibly selfish but I think over recent months I’ve always been there for other people and perhaps a little too much, if anyone asks for help I’m always willing to help, if anyone is down I will try stupidly hard to cheer them up, and don’t get me wrong, I enjoy doing it, but I think in giving other people all my time, I’ve let time for myself drift out the window, I’m becoming watered down almost. Now this isn’t an accusation against anyone I’ve helped in recent times cos most of you have helped me at some point too so I can’t fault you for that, its just a cumulative thing.
Anyway the point is. I think, I’m now on a mission to refind myself. Most aspects are still very much there, I am as determined as ever, as much up for a laugh as ever and as bloody stubborn as ever. But I need to re find the independence which I thrive on, and perhaps more than that, reflect on my priorities. I have an exam tomorrow and another one on Thursday but then essentially I am free until uni starts in September. As you all know by now, and if you don’t you must have been living in a cave, I’m going to America for three months this summer, until now I’d been seeing it as just an awesome experience, now I’m seeing it as a chance to get away, particularly it has to be said from the internet, which has been having a negative impact on me as of late. 3 months in a foreign country living and working with kids should, I hope, give me the time I need step back from thinking about being Clare, and just being her and getting on with it. So when I return in September beautifully tanned, I’ll have found myself without even trying. And then, when I click on my favourite favourite at the top of the screen and scream, “I’M BAAAAAACK!” I bloody well will be.
In hindsight this was a lot less emo than I thought it would be.
*gives myself a pat on the back*
'Pologies to anyone other than the FFTW crew, it was written originally for there and I can't be bothered to remove the references.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)