Soon to be Quartana

I did something radical.

2008-09-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

Basically after a three month gap here I've lost much motivation to carry on, and as someone recently described, I have a new lease of life, so much so that I'm almost a Clare v.2.0.

And there we have it, a new blog, found at;
http://clarev2.blogspot.com/

I can't be bothered to say more, just go there and shut up.

Its the final countdown, do do do do do do do

2008-06-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

Well here we are four months down the line from the first time America looked like a possibility and I guess it's time to say goodbye! I really really hate saying goodbye and I've had to say far too many in the last few days, not only because of America but to some of my closest friends who graduate this summer. So because of this I'm going to procrastinate from my farewells slightly longer by recounting my adventures from Monday night.

As you may, or may not, recall Monday was the night of the last hockey social. Now hockey is a game of many rules but one of the most important is, Broadgate hockey socials = horrifyingly drunk Clare (amongst others). You'll be please to know Monday was no exception. I won't mince my words, that was one of, if not THE best night of my university life. Firstly I did indeed become social secretary for nest year (thank you for your support guys) alongside Andy, which as you shall see, has trouble written all over it. Secondly I also won third team player of the season, as well as being our highest scoring player! A pretty good start to the evening before the drinking had even started it has to be said!

Anyway we moved onto a restaurant which provided us each with a bottle of wine and more food than anyone could eat before heading off to Oceana. Now I'm not a fan of Oceana on the whole, I have too many memories of completely losing people, but Monday was an exception. Apart from Charlie disappearing for half an hour and thus forcing Andy and I to drink his drink, we were all together pretty much all night. I had such an amazing time and it was such a perfect end to a year with some of the most fantastic people I know. I didn't think it could have been topped until Andy requested Frank Sinatra and it actually got played as the last song of the night!

It was only when we got in the taxi that events took a turn for the surreal. Charlie had the bright idea of trying to cross the lake on some 'stepping stones' he'd seen the other day, and in our slightly (read very) inebriated state Hephzi, Andy and I thought this was the best idea ever. Half an hour later we reached the lake, already soaked to the skin from the pouring rain, to discover that these 'stepping stones' were actually a fence with stone uprights which had pointed tops, presumably to stop the kind of thing we were about to attempt. However we continued regardless, minus Hephzi who decided the role of photographer was a more sensible idea. Me and the boys stripped off (my dress was brand new and hand wash only! -although I did steal Charlie's shirt to save some dignity and warmth!) and refused to admit defeat.

Needless to say, all did not go to plan, both Charlie and I fell in, and despite Andy's apparent success his legs bore the same cuts as ours in the end. Despite the cold, cuts and likely chances of tetanus and other such diseases it will go down as one of the highlights of my time in Nottingham, as well as one of the most surreal moments. I can't think how you top swimming the lake at five in the morning as the sun rose whilst singing Frank Sinatra to be honest.

Wow that must have been the longest account of one night ever, although it is quite hard to tell as I am drafting this in the smallest notebook the world has ever seen.

Anyway I think I've put it off long enough, however much I hate to do it. Goodbye folks, I hope you all have fantastic summers and those of you sitting exams get the results you want and need. I hope FFTW grows to be massive in the next three months and that when I return I can use my superior joining date to belittle all the noobs. Try not to miss me too much, I'm sure you'll be able to find another sarcastic, communist, anti-Semitic alcoholic without too much effort!

Bits and pieces, the penultimate episode.

2008-06-02T07:55:00.000-07:00

Well I am basically blogging through lack of anything to do, all my flatmates have gone home and I’m only here to go to my hockey social this evening. Most of my stuff has already been taken home, so I’m left with a couple of sets of clothes, my computer, a book, a sleeping bag, wash stuff and half a bottle of wine. Granted the last of those could make any of the previous items seem distinctly more fun, but if I start drinking now, I’ll actually die tomorrow morning when trying to get the train home.

So anyway, what have I been up to since I arrived back in good ol’ Shottingham? Well Friday night was Hannah’s last night in Nottingham so naturally we had to go out and get very drunk. Hannah has become one of my best friends here this year, I met her through hockey but we’ve been out so many times without the hockey lot, there has been endless trouble. But she’s going to China for the year next year, and unless I do a fourth year (which in fairness I probably will) I won’t get to see her often again! So as it was Friday naturally we went to Ocean, Nottingham’s only 100% student nightclub! Unfortunately it was also the last day of exams, so the queue was huuuuge. We got there at about quarter past nine knowing it was busy and it was already queuing along the front wall, in front of the burger van, then again up the other side of the pavement, that being said it moved quite quickly. We were in there just after ten so can’t complain, and it didn’t seem like a long wait either. It was a classic Ocean Friday, the same amount of cheese, the same amount of drink, just ten times the amount of sweat, it was so packed! That being said it did stick out in the memory a bit more than most Ocean’s tend to, in that I indirectly gave a guy a blood nose, as Matty so delightfully referred to in his own blog. I was with this guy, who for your information was HOT. Anyway then this other dude comes up and started dancing with me, but only in like a friendly way so I was messing around too. Then before I knew it, I was talking to Hannah at the moment of impact, the guy I’d been with was streaming blood from his nose. Men fighting over me, fancy that!

Anyway on Saturday it was the Summer Party, which was an absolutely amazing day. I have to say though, they definitely mucked up the line up. Lethal Bizzle was on at about five o’clock but easily had a bigger and more active audience than anyone (except maybe Goldie Lookin Chain) until The Maccabees at half past nine. And in fact, I enjoyed some of the acts prior to Lethal Bizzle, most notably, The Franks (http://www.myspace.com/thefranksuk), (the lead guitarist was HOT) and Bipolar Bear, much more than some of the ones that followed, The Courteeners for example, didn’t live up to my hopes. But no seriously a really good day, Lethal Bizzle was brilliant, GLC were as entertaining as ever and told us all to start taking drugs and give three cheers for Red Tube, The Maccabees were pretty awesome, but one of the most uncool looking bands out there, and the fat old drummer from Fun Loving Criminals did a stage dive, I’m surprised he wasn’t hurt, I’d have leapt out of the way.

Good day all round although I was exhausted by the end, but seriously if nothing else check out The Franks on myspace they’re brilliant. ‘Take you r hands off me, I don’t know where they’ve been, I don’t know what they mean’.

Then on Sunday pretty much all my family descended on Nottingham for my Dad’s 50^th birthday. I t was a bit weird I have to be honest, I kind of felt like they were invading my university life. We weren’t in Nottingham proper for that long at least, as the restaurant we were in was a bit of Nottingham. The food was good actually and the conversation was just plain bizarre. It ranged from my cousin’s Yorkshire pudding looking like Stalin, to building tunnels out of books for Germans, kissing deer and marketing tumbleweed. Still I had a good enough day in the end, I’m not complain at free food, wine and champagne, oh and cake.

Anyhow since that I’ve been bumming around and waiting for tonight. Watched the I’d Do Anything final on iPlayer, I’m not surprised Jodie won, she had a huge popular following, I just feel a bit cheated that in the end it was the stereotypical Nancy that won. And I’ve also been watching a couple of episodes of Skins as I never finished the second series as something distracted me. Just seen episode six, so you never know, might finish it before I go to America. Who am I kidding?

Reflection and Pride

2008-06-01T11:44:00.001-07:00

This was written a couple of days ago, but its taken until now to transfer it, the original can be found at http://forumsftw.com/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=207 , along with the pictures which I'm too lazy to put here.

I've been writing different blogs of late, the last one barely counts as was more a case of damage limitation, and self preservation, although I guess to an extent thats to be expected. Life is a bit strange when you are counting down the days til you travel to a foreign country for three months, with very little idea of quite what you'll be doing, or quite what contact you'll have with anyone from home. Not only that of course, but as some of you may know, Clare hasn't been 100% herself as of late, its funny how much of an impact some things can have on you despite your best efforts to ignore them.

Anyway before this turns too cryptic I'll move on. This entry again, won't be quite the norm. Not only for the reasons above but also as I haven't been up to much of interest, that a paragraph shall suffice, and finally because I'm writing this blog with more of a purpose than I often have.

That being said I’ll briefly fill you in with what I have been doing as I know people have probably completely lost track of where I am, I’m having enough problems knowing myself! So after I got back from London I was at home for about a week and a half, in that time I worked at good old Cattle Country (http://www.cattlecountry.co.uk/) for a few days to get some money. I’ve been working there four years its all a bit insane really. I love the guys that work there so much, especially the older ones who I’ve worked with for so long. I’m gonna miss them this summer, first one in five years I won’t be working there, that being said, I think it may be a good thing. There’s a hell of a lot of chemistry between me and one of the new guys who works there, (a lot like Jak last summer, and we know how that ended up) and I won’t deny it he’s hot, but he’s also 16. That’s like paedophilia almost, ok its not at all, but I can’t imagine the stick I’d get.

Anyway other than that I’ve just seen my grandparents, eaten more cake than I’d care to think about (2 birthdays and grandparents visiting), and hung out a lot with Jamie. Jamie is a complete legend, I love him to bits, I never laugh more than when I’m with him. He’s the only one finished uni out of my home friends so its just been the two of us which has been really cool. We’ve wasted hours just wandering around town or watching crappy day time TV. The highlights were easily watching Die Hard 4.0, I can’t believe how much I enjoyed that film, slightly ridiculous really. Its not even an amazing film, but I was just in the perfect mood for it, and also the pub yesterday afternoon. I can’t drink in the middle of the day to save my life, two pints of cider and the afternoon was ruled out, as was far too much of my money on that bloody IT box. Never go on them kids, you just don’t win.

Anyhow, I’m now back in Nottingham for a few days until Tuesday, basically just for a few social things before I go to America, Summer Party tomorrow and hockey end of year social on Monday.

And this leads us to the purpose of this blog. I’m currently procrastinating from my least favourite job in the world, packing. Its that time of year that I have to strip my walls and pack away all my belongings and drive them the 150 odd miles back to childhood home. I’ve been lucky this year in that I’ve only had to do it once, compared to the three times at the end of each term in halls last year. I’ve always found packing really depressing, although I can’t say why, but now at the end of the second year of my degree I’m finding the process a much more reflective one than usual.

I guess to an extent, as with everything at the moment, this is linked to America and my current stage of self reflection, but its more than that, next year I’ll graduate, and have to make the next step. Up until now the next step was always in place, ever since I started school I was going to university, the only questions were where and studying what. But now that’s no longer the case, now I make the first step into the unknown. All of this builds up, so that as I take the photos down from the wall, I’ve begun to reflect on my second year at university.

Most people reading this won’t have known me before my second year so let me give you a little background. This is something that I’ve only admitted to myself over the last six months and told no one before, but I didn’t really enjoy my first year at uni, and it was largely my fault. I’ve said for a while 2007 was one of the worst years of my life, and that isn’t because it was terrible, but because most of the others were damn good. I fell into the trap at uni which I think a lot of first years do, of not throwing yourself into enough stuff and getting involved. I wasn’t all that confident in my first year, and although I met a lot of people I didn’t form many close friendships, which is why I found myself applying to live in a flat with people I didn’t know rather than in a house with a group of friends.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have no friends last year, or stay inside the whole time. But I was quite lonely, not helped of course by the end of a two year relationship, and having such close friends at home. I think at the time I admitted to Berni that I often looked forward to going home, because I had much better friends there. Anyway I went into this year with a different attitude. Although I didn’t notice it my confidence had improved over the first year, and it was something I noticed a lot at work in the summer, I was a much more central component of the staff in terms of socialising than I’d been previously. So second year began and I threw myself into everything, including orchestra, yoga, and most importantly hockey, as well as on my course talking to people I wouldn’t have done before.

And now I can look back and see the success I have achieved. I’ve absolutely loved pretty much every second of my second year. My group of friends has expanded massively, and I have many closer friends and a couple I would trust with my life, which is something I missed last year. The hockey lot are one of the best bunches of people I have ever met, and I’ve met so many people through them as well. I’ve been so much more confident talking to people on my course, in lectures and seminars as well. I’m no longer the one who sits there and struggles to think of anything to reply with, I’m the one guiding the conversation, or even organising the nights out.

On Monday its our end of year hockey social, in which they hand out the awards and organise the committee positions for next year. I’m running for social sec, and stand a bloody good chance of getting it. In my eyes social secretaries are always the really popular people, who know everyone, and are liked by everyone. The fact that I am running for that position in a society I absolutely love to bits, makes me incredibly proud, and really reflects the change I’ve made from the first year to the second year.

I am so proud of what I’ve achieved, and regardless of my exam results, which I can’t think will be all that terrible, I have had a really fantastic year. And I wouldn’t change a second of it.

2008-05-22T07:26:00.000-07:00

Wow, this blog is quite intimidating to write as I have done SO much in the last few days, I dread to think what it'll be like when I get back from America. I remember when I went o Argentina for a month back in 2005, I tried to keep a diary (bear in mind I did successfully kept a diary for 4 years), but the days were so long and so full that I got behind, and ended up writing up several days at a time and it was just such hard work. Anyway I shall get on with it.

Firstly of course I sat my last exam on Thursday, which I think went alright, well enough at least, I even did the question on medieval urbanization after complaining about it so much. I then struggled to go to the doctors and stay awake paid £60 for someone to tell me I was a healthy weight and fitness came back and went to bed. Anyway the next couple of days involved drinking, shopping, sleeping, and watching Jar head. Excellent film, HOT actor, the whole no hair, no clothes thing worked nicely too. Nice in depth review for you there.

And then on Saturday I went to London! Seriously probably the best four days of 2008 so far, or at least best cluster of days. The bus journey there was just painful, the fat dude in front of me reclined his chair and then some silly little Asian woman sat next to me so I had like no space to move, coupled with the fact it is now law to wear a seat belt, the bottom half of my body went completely numb. I did have a nice text conversation with someone I hadn't heard from in ages, simply as the bus stopped in Milton Keynes where he lives. Anyway got to London eventually then had to make it across London to where my friend Charlotte lives. She's only in zone two so its not actually that far, however she happens to love at the end of the one tube line (The East London line) which is closed for improvements and extensions due to the Olympic games, so we had to take an overground train as well, still it wasn't too bad, not rush hour or anything.

After bumming around for a bit we decided to go to Harrods as I'd never been and Charlotte hadn't been whilst actually living in London. We spent literally about 3 hours walking around it just looking at everything and pretending we had enough money to buy things. I felt like such a tramp walking around the designer clothes in ripped jeans and a university hoodie. I enjoyed laughing at the flip flops which were £499 however. We decided that we really wanted to buy something though, mainly for the bag, so we found some amazing pens which had hands on the end, and were within our budget as they cost £1.95. Then the till wouldn't work properly and the sales assistant joked that we'd broken it by spending too much, haha, that was so much funnier at the time than it is in text. After that we went back to Charlotte's flat again cos it was freezing and we couldn't think of anything better to do really.

In the evening we had a huge debate about whether to go out or not, but we decided against it as by the time we would have got there it would have been £9 to get in and then expensive drinks and we're both cheapskates and I was exhausted. Instead we took the bus into the centre which takes a lot longer than the train but you get to see more of the sights as it goes through Westminster etc. although it was pretty much dark by this time as we left about half ten ish. Got off at Piccadilly Circus which was packed, being a Saturday night but an amazing atmosphere that I've never experienced before, it was a weekend a bit like that actually. Anyhow wondered through Leicester Square and eventually stumbled across what we'd been looking for, China Town! Again somewhere I've never been on my trips to London, its not huge, but still really busy even at quarter to midnight which it was by then. So yeah we went for a Chinese meal at midnight, in a restaurant Charlotte had only ever been to when completely wasted, which although not much of a recommendation proved good enough as the food was amazing. We ended up ordering far too much, overhearing a conversation between a man and a woman on the next table which was very deep and concerned childhood abuse etc. we couldn't for the life of us work out what the relationship was between them, although I hope for the sake of the bloke it wasn't a first date, cos that woman was a lunatic if it was. Then we drank more Chinese tea than can be healthy and left the restaurant at half one feeling like a giant vat of water.

Needless to say the next morning we did not get up very early. When we eventually did we went to Spitalfield Market, yet another place I'd never been, but it was amazing. I could have spent sooo much money, I restrained myself though and bought only a lovely new purse, a couple of scarves, a poster and an old copy of Pride and Prejudice, cos we only have hardback leather bound version. Again it was a really different atmosphere to I was used to, much less touristy than the parts of London I know, then we wondered down Brick Lane where all the indie kids hang out. Some amazing retro clothes shops down there, but I'd already spent far too much money that day so I resisted. We went to the most amazing American diner though and had fries and the most orgasmic milkshakes the world has ever witnessed. Chocolate with peanut butter added for 50p more, it was like a liquid snickers, OMGOSH so good.

When we finally decided to brave the cold again, it was freezing in London this weekend we went to Covent Garden through lack of anything better to do. First of all we watched some crazy guy battle his way out of a straight jacket, which he nearly didn't manage actually. Then an even crazier guy stripped off down to only some ridiculously small gold shiny pants, and juggled a chain saw. One of the funniest things I've seen actually his act, but again not something that I can put across in text I don't think. Didn't get up to much that evening, Charlotte had work she had to do,and I bummed around in front of the film Honey, as I'd never seen it, and Charlotte's film collection is notoriously awful. The problem with this film, is not even is the plot rubbish, but the dancing is too, oh well.

Anyway on Monday Charlotte had uni so I got most of the day to bum around on my own. Started off on Oxford Street as that was where her classes were. I tried desperately hard not to spend too much money, and failed, I did buy my dad and my brother their birthday presents though which was good of me. Ate lunch people watching at Trafalgar Square then went to the National Portrait Museum which I've been to before but love, and its free. I spent absolutely hour sin the Tudor rooms, being a complete and utter history geek, reading every single little sign. It just seems amazing to me, that the pictures you see in all the textbooks, were right there, in front of me, ah, GEEK. I decided to be a proper tourist and went to the Houses of Parliament and Big Ben for a bit, just from the outside, although I wish I'd gone inside I'd probably have seen some of the debates about Abortion which were pretty lively from what I saw on the news, ah well, I don't know how easy it is to get in there nowadays anyway. From there I wondered up to the London eye and talked to a crazy drunk man, he was very friendly though.

When I met back up with Charlotte at London Bridge station we finally had the Krisy Kreme we'd been craving for days, and damn was it good.In the evening we had the usual dilemma of where to go out and instead decided to have a mini cocktail, drinking games night in instead. That was after helping Charlotte's friend Rupert film some UFOs, which he later edited into a video with a Pendulum soundtrack, I wish I could remember the youtube address. I am so jealous of their courses, they all look so much fun! So yeah we all got rather drunk, Charlotte managed to break her flatmate Romy's finger by trapping it in the window, I got two hours sleep then had to run across London via Waterloo to drop off my bag to the US Embassy.

The embassy wasn't half as bad as I expected actually, I was in there less than 45 minutes, and the whole process including the queue took little over an hour. I had to have all my fingerprints taken which is a bit extreme but other than that the security wasn't particularly over the top. So until my bus I went to the V and A, which I love to bits. Unfortunately I was knackered and nearly fell asleep on the tube, so didn't really have the energy to look round everywhere. still i looked round a fantastic exhibition on books, and some of the other ones, then got the tube to Leicester Square an date MacDonald's in the sun, classy I know, before going to Waterloo and collecting my bag. Nearly dying carrying it across London and getting my bus home.

So yeah, bloody good few days. Bloody long blog post. Good times.

Completely pointless blog.

2008-05-13T13:30:00.001-07:00

Ok so basically I’m blogging because Matty bugged me too. I am sitting here now thinking, what the hell am I going to talk about? As I have actually NOTHING to say.

So right the other day I did some revision, and then you’ll never guess what, the next day I did some MORE revision. Exciting stuff eh? I bet you are all jealous of my life! I lie actually, yesterday I actually did something slightly different, I sat an exam! I won’t bore you with the details of that one but I think it went alright, I basically have to chose three essay questions out of ten, and I had two good question and one alright one, so I can’t complain. Three hour exams suck big time though, when I come out I am completely exhausted. Georgie didn’t think she was alright to drive when we came out, she’d only had an hour and a half’s sleep the night before too, so we grabbed ice creams and sat by the lakeside for a bit, which was nice.

The lakeside is lovely actually, we have a beautiful campus but the lake really wins, especially towards the far end with the café and the art gallery, where dare I say it, THE GENERAL PUBLIC chill out as well. Its funny living on a campus or in a student area, its not often you see kids, its almost nice when you go down to the lakeside and see them bawling their eyes out, reminds you there actually is a world outside the little bubble of studentdom.

The weather is still stunning, today wasn’t quite so nice, a lot cooler though which is actually a bit of a blessing working in the heat is unbearable, and cooking, yuck. I’m hoping this isn’t the end of the nice weather what with finishing my exams on Thursday but knowing sods law it will be. I’m already planning what to do once I finish, my exam ends at 12, but I have a doctor appointment which includes getting my blood pressure taken so that rules out drinking before 3. The annoying thing is none of my friends have finished exams so there’s no one around willing to get wasted with me. I think I’ve managed to talk Kayleigh into going to the SU Bar, Mooch (I know great name) with me in the evening cos she wants Strongbow, and their nachos are divine! So I’ll just have two pints to her one and it’ll be a good enough way to relax, and one I bloody well need I’ll tell you that.

On Friday I am thinking recovery through shopping. I really want a nice summery dress, I have the hockey formal in a couple of weeks time and although I have one I can wear, a girl always wants new dresses. I’ve been having a browse on the old internet and there are so many lovely dresses around at the moment, but buying them is never as easy as you hope! I love love love this one, http://www.newlook.co.uk/1404947/140494719/ProductDetails.aspx but I just know it’ll be too short on me. Ah well, I’m holding out for H&M I’ve had some lovely (and cheap!) dresses from there before. I also need a new bikini, one isn’t going to last me the summer if I’m swim teaching. And I really want an identical pair of flip-flops to the ones I got from Primark a few weeks ago because I have never ever worn a pair so comfortable in my life.

Then afterwards if its still nice weather I think I’m gonna head off to Wollaton Park which is like twenty minutes from my house, or five minutes off of the North Side of campus, and lie in the sun with a book. Wollaton Park is gorgeous with a lovely old house, which I’ve actually not been into and a mahoosive lake. I’ve only been a couple of times, but its so relaxed, seems completely out of the city almost, fantastic for walking or running around as well, but I doubt I’ll have the energy for that.

And then on Saturday I’m going to London, woop! Staying with my friend Charlotte as she seems to be about the only person in the world who doesn’t have exams because she studies fashion! Looking forward to being a general geeky tourist, I have all day Monday to myself as she has uni all day, so I’ll get to explore. Then a visa appointment on Tuesday, I’m expecting to be in the US embassy allllll day, the most ridiculous thing though, is that because they now take all ten finger prints, if I get a cut on ANY of my fingers they have to cancel the appointment, and thus leave it too late for my flight out to America now. Just to prove I’m not a bloody criminal, its ridiculous.

On a final note, I’m going to be a millionaire. Kayleigh and I had an amazing idea over dinner, we’re gonna set up a business where you can ring a number and it’ll talk to you, or text a number and it’ll text you back. So you can look popular if needs be, or avoid someone! How many times have you, or have you seen someone blatantly pretend to be on the phone to avoid talking to someone! They’ll be automated conversations, and may even give instructions like, ‘Say yes now’ for those people who are hopeless actors. Someone is now about to tell me this company already exists and I’ll be devastated.

Completely pointless blog over and out.

A blog that will no doubt be deleted

2008-05-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

. . . at a future date, as I fear it may be very emo and turn into a bit of a rant. Nonetheless my blog section is empty and I really need just to write this uninterrupted to give myself time to think and clarify things in my own head.

As most of you probably know from my moanings across FFTW in the last couple of days, I’ve been a tad bit stressed. Exams always do this to me, exams or essay deadlines at least. However believe it or not that’s actually only a recent development, during A levels and GCSEs and even in my first year at uni last year, I never had the problems I seem to have this year. Granted every year is gonna get more intense etc. etc. but this is a sudden leap and I don’t like it.

Its not even the stress per se which is the problem, it’s the side effects of it. Physically I’ve been a wreck, I’ve barely eaten or slept in days, and when I have I’ve eaten crap (a whole 12 inch takeaway pizza, yuck) and had horrible dreams. I have bags under my eyes the size of China and more headaches than normal. I’m emotionally a wreck, I’ve cried more in the last couple of weeks than probably since January or even before put together. And worst of all, as per usual, I’ve pushed away from me the people I care about, I do this every single fucking time! I’ve lost a best friend of 16 years in the last few weeks, although granted not entirely my doing, I’ve made my mum cry which is an absolutely horrible thing to do to your own mother, I’ve pissed other friends off to the extent they are avoiding me until exams are over and I’ve lost someone that could have potentially been a very good friend, as I have far less control over my mouth and temper when I’m stressed, at the expense of other peoples feelings.

Anyway, blatant moan paragraph out of the way. I feel a bit like a broken record, as it always seems to happen nowadays. People have as always in their unfaltering patience been there for me, and I could name drop all I wanted but they know who they are, and know how grateful I am to them for never giving up on me, and not getting bored of my ‘ZOMG I’M SO STRESSED, LIKE I WANT TO CRY, FUCKING PEOPLE’ rants. But all of this has called into question who I actually am.

Callum said something last night which made me think, looking back on it, he may well have already been sloshed, but still it seemed to make a lot of sense nonetheless. He said to me, you seem to be overly consumed in who Clare is, and I think he has a point. I seem to be suffering a bit of an identity crisis almost. Since I don’t know maybe 2 years ago when I started uni, I’ve always known who I was, and always liked who I was, sure I’ve changed in that time, in confidence more than anything and sure I have my faults, don’t we all? That’s what makes people so fascinating. But the point is I’ve always known who I was and been happy with that, until recently.What first made me think this, is what I see as an over-dependence on people. I’ve always prided myself on being independent, sure I need some people around, but I don’t like having to rely solely on other people and not myself. This is reflected perhaps more online than elsewhere. I think I’m safe in saying that pretty much everyone here knows who Clare is, the fundamentals I mean, like what subject I do at uni, how old I am, what uni I’m at, some of my main viewpoints and likes and dislikes etc. But I doubt many of you could tell me a lot more, and there’s a reason for that, whilst I’m perfectly willing to tell of past stories, I’m very reluctant of telling people what I’m thinking at any particular time in great depth, and as a result most people here, don’t really know me. I think I can count the number of people (online) that have really got to know Clare inside and out with all her faults, on two fingers both of whom I’ve known for more than a year, this even discounts people I’ve leant on recently in times of need. Everyone else sees the Clare that faces the world, the tough Clare, the generally happy Clare, the sarcastic Clare. I was once told by someone I worked with that I was the most genuine person he’s ever met, which to this day I’ve viewed as one of the biggest compliments I have ever received. And I’d still like to think I was true, I haven’t been lying to any of you like some people we could mention, you just haven’t seen the whole picture, you’ve seen one side of Clare, the public face, the defence mechanism, the strong independent Clare. The point is I think that I seem to be losing that more and more recently, it is becoming more and more just a face to put on the world, as I’ve leant on more people and not been able to get by on my own. I seem to be losing the very essence which is Clare. Or at least, what I see to be Clare.

So time for the accusations? This will sound incredibly selfish but I think over recent months I’ve always been there for other people and perhaps a little too much, if anyone asks for help I’m always willing to help, if anyone is down I will try stupidly hard to cheer them up, and don’t get me wrong, I enjoy doing it, but I think in giving other people all my time, I’ve let time for myself drift out the window, I’m becoming watered down almost. Now this isn’t an accusation against anyone I’ve helped in recent times cos most of you have helped me at some point too so I can’t fault you for that, its just a cumulative thing.

Anyway the point is. I think, I’m now on a mission to refind myself. Most aspects are still very much there, I am as determined as ever, as much up for a laugh as ever and as bloody stubborn as ever. But I need to re find the independence which I thrive on, and perhaps more than that, reflect on my priorities. I have an exam tomorrow and another one on Thursday but then essentially I am free until uni starts in September. As you all know by now, and if you don’t you must have been living in a cave, I’m going to America for three months this summer, until now I’d been seeing it as just an awesome experience, now I’m seeing it as a chance to get away, particularly it has to be said from the internet, which has been having a negative impact on me as of late. 3 months in a foreign country living and working with kids should, I hope, give me the time I need step back from thinking about being Clare, and just being her and getting on with it. So when I return in September beautifully tanned, I’ll have found myself without even trying. And then, when I click on my favourite favourite at the top of the screen and scream, “I’M BAAAAAACK!” I bloody well will be.

In hindsight this was a lot less emo than I thought it would be.
*gives myself a pat on the back*

'Pologies to anyone other than the FFTW crew, it was written originally for there and I can't be bothered to remove the references.

A strangely musical blog.

2008-05-04T15:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this is probably going to be the most disjointed blog in history primarily for the reason I've written/am writing it on about 7 million separate occasions as I don't have the time to set aside half an hour or whatever to write it. So therefore I'm doing it over little bursts, typically, as now, whilst eating cheerios. I have such a healthy breakfast in front of me, cheerios and blue bolt (rip off red bull). Can you tell I'm not getting much sleep at the moment?

Yeah, so the reason for this is of course the joy that is exams. I haven't had a mental breakdown yet, so things are looking good, they're both next week which is a bit hardcore given its the first of three exam weeks, but still its quite nice cos I get to go home for a couple of weeks, with nothing to do! Well I think I'll be working for a couple of days, but nothing major. Then back to Nottingham for the Summer Party and the sports ball! And then . . . America baby!

But back to the here and now, the weather is AMAZING at the moment, so warm and sunny and beautiful, I'm wearing shorts and a vest top today for example. Completely clear sky today actually. Ah I love the summer. I hate how the weather always gets amazing when its exams though, its really not conducive to doing any work, yesterday a few of my friends decided to revise outside, but I knew if I even attempted that I'd fall asleep in the sun, so dutifully off to the library I went. Good weather does make revision slightly more bearable at least cos it puts me in a good mood so I'm not fed up 99% of the time. I've been listening to a lot of summer-ish music recently too, its amazing the affect just a little bit of sun has on all aspects of life! So as well as the standard Bob Marley (sitting with the hockey team bobbing our heads in unison to Jammin' I think will be one of the highlights of my summer!), I've dug out one song in particular, John Legend -Ordinary People, it just has such an amazing summer vibe to it, so much so, that I'm sticking the video in my blog. So there.

Or rather I would be if, 'Embedding disabled by request'. Sheesh. Well go and listen to it anyway http://youtube.com/watch?v=7jQ4jO4AwFY. And yes that's an order.

In other music related news Ben very kindly sent me the new Pendulum album, In Silico, to me via the wonders of msn the other night. Now as you may or may not know this album was THE album I was most looking forward to getting since probably Stadium Arcadium by the Chilis which was a huge letdown. And maybe that should have warned me about looking forward to In Silico. I don't know, I've only listened to it a couple of times and it hasn't leaped out at me, but then Hold Your Colour didn't either for a long time. I'm also wary about using music genres because I can't define them well enough, but it seems to me that this has gone rockier, and although in the general scheme of things, I'm more a rock girl than a dance/drum n' bass girl, Pendulum I don't want rocky. Hmm.

Through lack of anything interesting happening in my life right now, I'm gonna continue the music theme. The other day when I was in the library I picked up a copy of The Mic, this is fairly obviously the music student magazine of Notts Uni (oh and its free!). Now I'm a massive fan of Impact, the general student magazine (and its award winning, so I'm justified!), but whenever I've had The Mic before I've found it all a bit daunting, and not easy to read. Now I don't know whether its because revision has made me sink to reading anything other than books on 16th and 17th century English religion, or whether I was quite simply an idiot before, but this magazine is brilliant!

My favourite article came in the form of 'MURDER ALERT: Your most loathed acts'. It was written my a number of the journalists and involved them ranting about their least favourite band ever, I think the following sentence in the section about Muse sums it up quite nicely, 'It's a controversial choice (what isn't - Ed)'. Basically if you've ever had a personal vendetta against any mainstream band this is the place to go. Many death threats (my favourite involving curing World Hunger by feeding them U2) and a couple of accusations of paedophilia (Billy Corgan) later, the music journalists of Nottingham Uni have attacked, The Arctic Monkeys, The Smashing Pumpkins, The Sex Pistols, U2 - 'more rock and roll in Dot Cotton's little finger', Queen, Kasabian, The Automatic, Pink Floyd - 'crock shit for pompous-dad rockers', Red Hot Chili Peppers, Cat Power, Bring Me The Horizon, Duffy, Gym Class Heroes, Turin Breaks, The View -'bloody well buy some new jeans', Soulja Boy, Usher - 'a moron', Guns 'n' Roses and finally my personal favourite, Muse - 'underwhelming'.

Whilst naturally I don't agree with all of them, Kasabian and the Chilis (although referring to them in intimate way is also frowned on by the author), most notably, some of them made me feel warm and fuzzy inside as someone agrees that U2 are past their sell by date AND MUSE ARE FUCKING UNDERWHELMING. Anyway it also made me think about which bands I'd like to eliminate off the face of the world, and I've narrowed it down to a top five.

In fifth place are Nirvana, now don't get me wrong. I don't dislike Nirvana as such, I hate the legacy that they've left behind in the form of 13 year old fan girls claiming Courtney Love murdered Kurt Cobain, were you even alive at the time? NO FUCK OFF. And I don't get the hype around him as a person either, he wasn't that great.

On a similar note, John Lennon post the Beatles. The Beatles in themselves are brilliant, I still love them, grown up with them etc etc. But John Lennon as a solo artist can die, oh wait he did. And that's exactly the point isn't it, he became a legend not for what he did, but for what he didn't do, and who's to say he was ever going to do it. Imagine repeatedly comes at the top of best song ever type charts, ok the lyrics are pretty special, but the melody isn't, and do I even need to mention the Christmas song with Yoko, cat screaming much?

Third spot goes to the ever irritating Girls Aloud, not only did their first song make me want to scrape my eyeballs out with a spoon, but their pretence at writing their own songs soon went out the window, and not only that, but they chose the worst songs to cover too, way to go girls.

Now this is possibly the hardest decision I've made all day, but I think U2 just take the biscuit from Muse, purely due to the 'BEST BAND IN THE WORLD EVER' nonsense that was around a few years ago, oh and Bono's ridiculous sunglasses.

Ah, that was a brilliant rant, I feel much better now. Not that I felt bad to start with. I'm sitting and waiting for abusive comments from Matty now.

Many adventures!

2008-04-30T05:16:00.000-07:00

Well its been over a week, but I can't say I'm surprised, I have been so busy, and its been a bloody good week. I probably shouldn't be blogging now, given the minuscule amount of revision I've done, but I'm eating lunch, so if I don't do it now I never will, and I'll get nagged by my frequent readers, well Matty.

The days up til Friday weren't overly exciting, just relaxing and nice really, went to all you can eat Chinese on Thursday and was going to go to the Varsity (vs Trent uni) Hockey match in the evening, but I felt very full and it was raining so that soon lost its interest.

But this weekend was fantastic. On Saturday we had an all day hockey tournament, and it would be no exaggeration to say it was one of the best days at uni ever, up there alongside the summer party last year. The weather was perfect hockey playing weather, not too hot but warm enough and dry. Although as it turns out hot enough to burn horribly, I have never been so badly sun burnt in my life, that evening I was bright red, and the next day there was pus everywhere, lovely eh? I still have some gorgeous dry skin on my face, it is quite horrible to be honest, but the day was so good it didn't take away from it. I've said this before but I'll say it again, the hockey lot are some of the best people I've ever met, I don't know whether its the hockey which fosters the community spirit, but you are always guaranteed to have a fantastic day with them. It was actually 11-a-side on a full sized pitch which as I didn't go on tour I hadn't played since school, and in midfield I thought I might die. But as it turns out my fitness was better than I thought it was and I did well. Other than injuring myself within five minutes that is . . .

Yes, dangerous sport hockey. My hand got hit by a ball from about 2 metres away and it hurt like a bitch. I actually had dimples on my hand from the hockey ball, but after an hour or so hugging an ice pack I went on to play three more matches in true hockey player style, despite not actually being able to grip a hockey stick properly. Anyway at various points I couldn't move my fingers or wrist, it bloomed up to the size of the tennis ball and went a lovely purple colour, my knuckles are still beautifully black. Ah but that's all the fun of hockey. Anyway we came 5th out of 18 teams which wasn't bad at all, given some of the teams had illegal numbers of uni players on them, and we had the highest score of the tournament (5-0) due largely to Sam channelling his aggression from Man U losing in to the game, I would not have liked to be that goal keeper.

Anyway after we all staggered home, Broadgate Hockey aren't famed for their warming up or cooling down, most of us met up again in the evening and went out. It was quite a quiet tame one by our standards as everyone was knackered and sun burnt but was still good fun, plus went to a couple of bars I hadn't been to before, The Hogshead (which was a bit like spoons but nicer and cheaper!), the Pit and Pendulum (which is a unique bar, I'll give it that, very gothic, and the toilets are behind a bookcase, pictured!) and the Bla Bla Bar (which was actually really nice, and opposite the Cookie Club so I'm sure we'll be back).

Then the next morning at some unearthly hour for a Sunday I got up to catch a train. Bumped into Jit on the bus which was nice cos I hadn't seen him in aaaages, Salma's birthday perhaps which was November. Then had the usual troubles with Sunday trains, was delayed in Derby for a good forty minutes in which time another train from Nottingham arrived, meaning I could have had an extra half an hour in bed! Anyway finally got to Oxford an hour late, where Mike and his girlfriend Fiona were there to meet me. I'd not met Fiona before but she seemed lovely, and a lot more rational than some of his ex-girlfriends, so maybe she won't hate me, we can live and hope.

Anyway we basically wondered around in circles that afternoon browsing through the shops, looking for a confirmation card for Mike's friend Ashley (a history student!), and trailing halfway across Oxford to a Christian bookshop only to realise it was a Sunday and thus closed. Then collapsed in Mike's room for a bit before going to Ashley's confirmation in the Chapel, Mike said I was more than welcome to stay in his room but I thought I'd come along out of curiosity really. Well it was all very religious and traditional with lots of the choir singing in Latin, even Ashley complained about it going on too long afterwards, still made me appreciate how dull church must have actually been for the people I'm reading about in my Protestant Nation module. Anyway after that we went into a bizarre room, for a strange tradition which as far as I can work out happens every time after chapel, which involves free alcohol, Oxford is a very odd place. They also have a Wine Cellar with very expensive old wine, which I fail to see the point of, surely students would rather buy a bottle of plonk from Tesco?

Then I even went to formal halls and wore a robe, which really wasn't half as bad as I imagined, despite having to stand for the top table and the prayer in Latin before it began (granted this was vaguely comical as was recited by a Scouser). The food was pretty good too, much better than halls food last year that's for sure! Anyway that evening we spent in the college bar (which didn't sell Strongbow! I was devastated), playing pool and on the IT box, which was set on the hardest level ever designed for Oxford students. Then we went to an ice cream parlour at half 11 at night, which was odd, but good fun, and had the most amazing brownie sundaes in the world! We proceeded back to Richard's room, which was comically on a slant and the wall panels extremely wonky, still I envy it from my tiny little room here in Nottingham.

Didn't get up to much the next day to be honest, just strolled around, it decided to rain on us, we discussed newspapers in the college bar, went to the University of Oxford Press Shop, because I was so excited by it (anyone who reads a lot of scholarly books will understand that excitement), and to the Bodleian Library which is one of I think three copyright libraries in the country (one in Cambridge, and the British library) and therefore has pretty much every book in existence. Unfortunately we weren't allowed in as I am a lowly Nottingham Uni student but we wasted hours in the gift shop. And eventually we made it back to the train station, I nearly had a heart attack that I'd missed my train as I ran over the railway bridge, but turns out mine was late anyway! Only by a couple of minutes this time at least!

Wow, this has been a long entry of my doings, I can't imagine many people are still reading, but I'll round it off briefly with my adventures last night. We went to Oxjam, which was a charity gig for Oxfam surprisingly enough. It was in a venue above the bar Muse, which was so nice, I'd love to own a room like that, the stage was raised and it was so cosy and relaxed, the music wasn't bad either, very chilled out. Unfortunately we came back earlier than I wanted to really as Merel wasn't feeling well, and I didn't want to have to get a taxi back to Broadgate on my own, oh well, was still a good night before that!

And with that I'll leave you to carry on whatever it was you were doing before I so rudely interrupted you!

Perfectly tolerable.

2008-04-22T13:23:00.000-07:00

Well I'm writing this as I'm in the mood to write a blog, but I don't really have anything planned to say, so I guess its just gonna be a bit of a splurge.

Um well I finally handed in that bloody extended essay that's been haunting me since about last September. I have no idea how well I'll do in it because I was just so fed up with it by the end, but once it was binded properly it looked really impressive! I also got back my two essays from before Easter, and got 69 one one, and 70 on the other (ie. a first and one off a first!), so so so so so so pleased! If I can finish the year on a high 2:1 I will be ecstatic! I know what you're thinking right now, all I can hear is blah blah blah, so I'll move on.

So last night it was the monthly Cock Soc, for those of you who don't know what this is yet, shame on you. Cocktail society, £1.50 cocktails for whatever cheap alcohol they can chuck together, its sooo bloody sweet. Then they give you those candy necklaces and the amount of sugar and alcohol just makes you feel really really sick. Combined with the cheesiest music known to man it is one hell of a night. Its normally fancy dress too, although we didn't do fancy dress this time, was meant to be Easter Bunnies (read: Sluts) and Wrestlers (read: excuse to show body off), there were so truly terrifying costumes and many a man in tights. Not that I'm complaining obviously! It got to about half one, and we decided we should probably go soon, cos I had a nine o'clock lecture this morning (which I made it to!) anyway, we did the usual, 'We'll leave at the next average song . . . we were still there half an hour later, I can't remember all of what was played, but it definitely included, Oasis - Don't Look Back in Anger, The Killers - Mr Brightside, Pendulum - Slam, Dolly Parton - 9 to 5, S Club - Reach, Rihanna - Please Don't Stop The Music and more. Anyway, eventually went on the Grease medley, not that I don't love Grease, but I've heard it so many times in my life, one fewer isn't going to hurt!

Ah, good times. Anyway haven't been up to a lot else, just bits of work and procrastination and dossing in front of iPlayer, 4oD or films. I'm hooked to I'd Do Anything now, its so bad, I love musicals so much and well its just addictive and rubbish to be honest. The Oliver's are too cute and I have to be honest I still giggle at the prospect of Graham Norton and Andrew Lloyd Webber looking for Nancy's (joke done to death yet? I expect so). Anyway I love Jessie and her accent is soo adorable and her hair! Oh and Niamh (I think that's how its spelt, because she is sooo gorgeous, and Samantha cos she's just cute. Ahah, waffle waffle.

Just watched Pride and Prejudice (the 2005 version) again, seen it so many times now. I love it so so so much. I love the story, I've read it at least twice, I want to read it again sometime soon actually cos I haven't in ages. The characters in it are brilliant, I love Elizabeth Bennett to bits, easily my favourite literary heroine, she's so intelligent and sarcastic and beautiful but also a real person, with her faults. And lets be honest what woman doesn't want to find her Mr Darcy. I only learnt today why its called Pride and Prejudice, Darcy being the Pride and Elizabeth the Prejudice, alright laugh at me for being slow to catch on, but I love how they both finally overcome those and ahh happy ending! It always annoys me when people read Austen and say there's no sex in it, the film for example is a U, but to me that's missing half the point. The book is teeming with sex, there is so much sexual tension that had I been in the plot I'd probably have exploded or raped someone. I mean fair enough the film is a U cos kids don't pick up sexual tension, which actually was downplayed in the film as well, but seriously, IT'S FULL OF IT!

Anyway this adaption is so perfect! The cast are brilliant in their roles, I'm not a huge Knightley fan in general but her in this, and Atonement (don't start on me Matty, its a good enough film, but not on P and P level for me in terms of enjoyment) sold her to me as a serious actress. And Matthew Macfadyen (the dude from Spooks for those of you who don't know), is a very steamy Mr. Darcy who does the whole social ineptness perfectly. And I'm not normally a Donald Sutherland fan either but, he is sooooo good as Mr. Bennett. I could go on and on, Judi Dench is amazing as always in her minor role, and Simon Woods (who I have finally worked out I know from Rome) makes a very lovable Mr. Bingley, oh and the dude who plays Mr. Collins, Tom Hollander is perfect. I could actually go on forever, but I won't.

But I have to mention the scene, in the pouring rain when Darcy first tells Elizabeth he loves her, and she is all mad with him for fucking up Jane and Mr. Bingley. This is quite possibly one of my favourite scenes in a film ever. I'm not sure quite why I'm drawn to it so much. Darcy looks so damn hot, and the rain is melodramatic cliche at its best. I don't know, I'm no film director but it seems so perfect, so dramatic, so wonderful. And wow at the scenery! Ah I hope someone knows what I'm on about, Kayleigh was just a bit like, eh? Just watch and see yeah?

Ah I now have the biggest urge in the world to watch Rome and read Pride and Prejudice again, and with that I'll leave you fine people be.

A new leaf

2008-04-17T15:25:00.000-07:00

Last night, I started thinking due to a variety of factors that I'll get to in due course but, its made me decide, I'm gonna turn over a new leaf as cliched as that may seem, in many areas of my life. I should explain first, that I am no unhappy with my life, in fact far from it, I love life right now, I'm happier now than I've been in a long time if ever. I'm also happy with who I am as a person, sure I have my faults, don't we all, I swear too much, I drink too much, I think I can come across as arrogant, particularly online, and I make far too many racist jokes that will get me in trouble one day, but that being said, I like me. After all, its people's faults that make them interesting.

Anyway you may be asking, why then do you want to turn over a new leaf, why fix what ain't broke? But that's not the way I look at life, if you keep adapting things and making them better, then they'll never break right?

Well the impetus for this change came mainly from me finally accepting something I've known for a long time. My best friends are no longer who they used to be. When you've been best friends with someone for sixteen years its quite hard to accept that suddenly you're not anymore. I'm not going to go into details, because to be quite honest, you probably don't want to hear them and I'd probably cry if I recounted them. But in the last few months I've been leaning on different people in my times of need, and having fun with different people, my 'best' friends wouldn't even be able to tell me what I've been through recently. So yeah.

This could of course be seen as a negative thing, and could make me very depressed, but anyone who knows me even remotely well, will know Clare does not get depressed easily, and looks for the silver lining. And that's just it, of course there's an upside, it hasn't been that I've suddenly found I have no friends at all, I've just found friends in different people. Kayleigh has been the best flatmate I could possibly ask for, and although she's not one I talk to about how I feel overly, she's always there to have a laugh with and for me to rant at occasionally. The hockey lot at uni, I could NOT ASK for a better bunch of people to go out with and have a fantastic time. Similarly people at home I've known for years I'm suddenly closer to than before, Charlotte, we've grown up together, but suddenly, through bonding sessions involving alcohol, we'll actually have sensible conversations which don't involve curly hair and men in white coats.

Then of course there's the wonders of the Internet. FFTW has become such a great community already, and its a board I actually felt comfortable enough on to open up on completely on my eating disorder, something I've never done through fear of ridicule. I could go on all day to be honest about how wonderful various people have been to me at various points, but I shan't. That being said there's three who do need a special mentions. So in alphabetical order to prevent some kind of testosterone fuelled competition . . .

Ben, you have been so so lovely to me in recent months, conversations with you never fail to make me smile at some point, I've kept your letter and will for years to come I expect. Never ever change from the genuinely lovely caring person you are.
Callum, seriously the shit you've been through recently and still had time to listen to me moan. I'm forever gonna be grateful for talking to you about bulimia etc. it is soooo nice to find someone who actually understands. You're a great mate even if you're a crap ice skater. And a note to Lucie, this DOES NOT mean I fancy him, ok?
Finally Matty, you were getting worried I wasn't going to mention you then weren't you? But lets be honest how could I not? You have been the most fantastic friend to me over the last year now, you make me laugh probably more than anyone else, I can't actually put into words what I'm feeling tbh. I never thought I'd see the day when a 17 year old hairy metal head Avril fan from Wales would be one of my closest friends. Its a strange world.

Well this is a bloody long entry already and I still haven't reached the point. A new leaf.

Right basically, the first thing that's happening in this new leaf of mine has to be related to my diet. I obviously can't set myself specific targets as I'm gonna fail big time. I know I'm fit and healthy, so all I'm doing is starting a food diary, and actually keeping it. Instead of purging, I'm gonna go for a run, because running (if not around a hockey pitch) fucking kills me, so that way I'll be less likely to eat the crap in the first place.

Secondly, in terms of the Internet my patterns are changing. I've spent too long online for as long as I can remember. Now don't go worrying, I'm still gonna be around, but I'll not longer be on if I'm doing absolutely nothing but staring at random sites for hours on end or talking to people I just can't be that bothered with for hours on end. I'll still be around, but it'll either be less or I'll be doing something else at the same time, such as . . .

This leads me onto number three, I'm getting back into my creative side, I've claimed I've not had the time for this, and that's quite simply not true. The time I haven't had has been wasted on the Internet doing nothing constructive. I used to read a book a week, at uni that simply isn't practical as I spend all day reading history books but I'm gonna try damn hard to read one a month. I'm also gonna try and get back into my writing and drawing more, but of course that is to a large extent dependent on how creative I feel at any particular moment.

I also at least in the short term will have work very much at the forefront, as I'm sure most people will as I have exams that I need to do well in for two reasons, firstly I'd like to go into the third year with at least some pressure taken off and secondly, I bloody well don't want to have to cut my summer in America short to come back and take re-sits.

And lastly, there's a mental adjustment going on in my head right now. In terms of where my priorities lie, who I can depend on, where my life is going (I actually have to start making these decisions soon) and so on. Nothing is set in concrete all I'm doing is trying to turn over a new leaf, for myself and for the people around me.

My life looks bright right now, I'm going to America for three months this summer and I'm doing well at uni, adjustments occur and improvements are made. I just want to go into it all with the right mindset.

I really do apologise for how long this is!

A bit of a random one.

2008-04-15T02:22:00.000-07:00

So I was originally going to write this last night, but 2 triples and 2 cans of strongbow provided me with more of a challenge to my motor skills than I imagined, I'm becoming a light weight in my old age. In fairness this was probably a good thing, as if I hadn't noticeably been able to feel the effects of alcohol I probably would have done the next day when I reread what I thought was a perfectly coherent blog.

As you may have guessed, I'm back in the gun capital of the UK, and how I have missed it. Its funny last year i was never that desperate to get back to uni, looking back on it, I was surprisingly lonely for great chunks of last year and I didn't really notice except on off days, on which I'd do something radical and go to Oxford for the day (which for anyone planning to do so, isn't such a great idea, I had to get up at 6 and wasn't home til 11, and had to sit on a train back from Birmingham with a whole load of drunk Derby football fans). I think it came from ending a 2 year relationship and then despite having a huge group of friends at university not having one or two close friends. I never realised how important that was until last year, I guess I've always been lucky to have that close friend in my life. Anyway not the case this year! Due to the wonders of Kayleigh! Still got my huge group of friends plus a best friend. Ick how I hate the term best friend. Anyway that was a bit of a detour. Yeh I am so glad to be back, I enjoyed my Easter a hell of a lot but by the last few days I was ready to come back.

Having said that, I haven't been up to much since I got back. Mainly cos this bleeding essay is still hanging over my head. I hate long deadlines, they go on forever and ever and ever and by the end you really just don't care anymore. Still only 1500 words to go now, the end might just about be in sight, I'm hoping to finish it tomorrow, then go and get it bound (yes we have to get it ring bound, how stupid!), and ready to hand in for next Wednesday. So other than that haven't been up to much, obviously went out last night, just a quiet one with Kayleigh and her girlfriend, Shiv, who is lovely, she told me I had good legs, haha. Yeh we went to BZR, which is perhaps my favourite bar in Nottingham, not only do they sell triples for £2.50 (I know!), but I love (as nerdy as it sounds) the architecture, and they normally play amazing music, although I have to say last night was a bit of a let down on that front. But that is DEFINITELY where I'm headed for my 21st next year, I know a bit of forward planning given I'm only 19 still, but I'm not even in the country for my 20th, so its allowed.

Um what else? Well I went to my nine o'clock lecture this morning. Yes I know, congratulate me! Oh on Sunday evening Kayleigh and I did our usual film watching with baileys and ice cream. We watched Hitch, which I had seen before, but couldn't remember particularly well. It has Will Smith in it, doesn't really need anything else. Nice feel good, funny, light hearted film though which was nice. On the film front I also watched Romeo and Juliet on the TV the other day, the Baz Luhrman version, I love love love that film. I'm gonna buy it on Amazon, unfortunately its only £4 so nowhere near the price for free postage and I don't actually want anything else at the moment, although Kayleigh said she wanted something so we might be good.

And yeah I'm gonna leave it at that as I have a seminar to run to. Sorry for the random babblings in this entry!

Sixteen years.

2008-04-10T16:28:00.001-07:00

Something a bit different for you all today!

The sun had blessed the rain drenched earth all day but as I stepped onto the doorstep it began to fall once more. Grabbing an umbrella from the coat stand I yelled my farewells, but as usual they went unnoticed. I could hear them even after the door slammed, the raised voices and strained patience. “Only two days”, I murmur under my breath.

The car sat unused on the drive, I could easily have taken it, but I fancied the walk to clear my mind. A walk I’d done for years, sixteen to be precise. Sixteen years and it had come to this. My drive gave way to the lane, and despite the rain I couldn’t help but run my fingers along the tall crumbling wall. Surprised once more that two grooves did not follow this path, as my footprints followed a younger, more innocent, less troubled Clare to her best friend’s home.

The apprehension was unbearable, and incomprehensible. Sixteen years we’d spent side by side, sharing firsts and most likely lasts. Always been the one I’d turn to in moments of worry, and strife, but happiness too. We’d shared our dreams on that park bench, those toilet blocks, the pub garden. But now a stranger I saw in my best friend’s eyes, heard in her words. Sixteen years for this?

I’d reached the end of the road by now and turned to pass the church and graveyard. My thoughts flickered inevitably to Richard, the one I’d never had the chance to know, but whose loss I felt all the same. It was him who made me strive every day, it was for him I lived two lives. Subconsciously I whispered the words that kept his memory alive, and paused despite the rain to bend and wipe the dirt from his small grave. Three weeks to sixteen years, to lose another would be to double the pain.

As I cross the old factory courtyard I glance across at the windows, images from Children of Men filter slowly past. The connection seemingly illogical, but the reality far from it. I pause again and my fingers close tightly around the wired fence, desolation makes me whole, gives me hope and m heart surges with a new found gratefulness. I tear myself away and quicken my pace, soon reaching the stream.

Absentmindedly I realise it is him that my mind has rested on, as it so often does nowadays. He encapsulates something for me that I am yet to put a finger on, his kind heart and warm words disarm my naturally sarcastic defences, I melt, who’d have thought? And still this goes unnoticed, I’m a better person, yet he believes it is him who is. A conviction too strong to argue with despite its falsity. As one life dies, another blossoms. Sixteen years.

Finally I near the end, her house rises in front of me, and I can’t help but smile. True my gut feels as if its wrenched in two, but too many fond memories can be found within these walls to erase the glow. I pace stealthily up the drive and pause at the door, stealing myself to knock, and brush the cobwebs from my mind. Gulping down the rising knot I sigh. Sixteen years, per omnia saecola saeculorum.

Dead pigs, gone off milk and complete twats

2008-04-09T13:25:00.000-07:00

I've spent the whole time writing this blog trying to think of a snappy way of starting this blog, and I have absolutely no idea why now, as most of them start with 'Errr, well its been a while'. So instead . . . , well its not been that long!

That being said, nothing of interest has happened in the intervening days between my last entry and now. I've just worked five days straight and I'm absolutely exhausted. Don't get me wrong I love my job but by mid afternoon today I think I'd rather have strangled a screaming child than helped it. There were amusing moments as ever having said that. The highlight perhaps when I went searching for ice cream, opened the walk in freezer and nearly had a heart attack when there was a dead pig on the floor with no insides. I nearly threw up. There should be laws protecting you from that kind of thing, especially for the vegetarians out there! I had another near-vomiting moment today when Stu revealed his plans for his last day of work and showed me his year-old four pints of milk, the bottom was actually solid, then the middle was more or less milk consistency but a dull orangey white colour, and the top bit was just like dirty pond water. I feel ill just thinking about it.

So anyway the only thing of remote interest really was last night when Mike and Charlotte came over for a lazy DVD night, as both of them are back off to uni tomorrow. I thought we'd have a nightmare deciding on what to watch as we all have completely different tastes in films, Charlotte is your typical girly girl who is also obsessed with Disney films, whereas Mike and I would chose a political film or I'd go for a historical drama. But in the end it all proved very easy, we watched Back to the Future, which shockingly I have never seen the whole way through. I know its a really hyped up film but I really enjoyed it, and it made me giggle a hell of a lot more than Hot Fuzz did last week. I seriously think the doctor should have got an Oscar for his outstanding performance as a nutty professor.

Anyway I'm currently sat writing this in front of The Apprentice on BBC1. I love this programme, I think its reality TV for the educated (how snobbish does that sound?) But seriously its addictive, I remember last year it was one of the only programmes that was always on in the JCR (Junior Common Room), every week and there was always tons of us in there. I think this is the fourth series now, I've seen series 2,3 and now 4. Out of these, I think the second series was the best, purely due to the characters in it, particularly Syed and Ruth who exemplified what makes The Apprentice good, the fact everyone is a complete twat (that being said Katie in series 3 was probably my least favourite person on it ever). Chances are in every series you will dislike 90% of the contestants purely as they aren't very nice people, which I suspect is why I will never make my way in business.

We've got pretty good at guessing who is going into the boardroom between us, but guessing who is gonna be fired seems to be more difficult. Sir Alan Sugar is an unpredictable fellow, although he does have a lovely teddy bear face. There are some unbearable characters in this series too, Lucinda and the ginger one (I'm so good with names), are doing my head in with their unnecessary bitching, oh and the ginger one is just infuriating full stop. My brother is backing Raef, who described the members of the team as princes or paupers based on their economic background during the first week, and the guy that went that week, similarly split them into educated and uneducated, and considered his B at GCSE a failure. You see my point about unbearable contestants? All that being said there's even a moderately hot contestant this series, Simon, although my Dad and I had an argument about his hair, which was apparently 'scruffy' and my dad wouldn't give him a job, the fact he probably spent about half an hour styling his hair to be 'scruffy' and that was fashionable and quite common clearly went over my Dad's head. Generation gaps ftw.

Its taking me a ridiculously long time to write this blog cos I keep thinking it sounds complete crap, so I apologise. I never normally put the effort into my English or my writing in these things as I'm normally tired, I promise I write better normally, I have to I'm a history student!

PS. Boobies.

Caffeine fuelled blogging.

2008-04-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

Well my last blog is dated wrongly as I actually posted it on Wednesday I believe, so the point I was about to make about a short time between entries probably won't appear to make much sense. BUT IT IS SO THERE.

Anyway I'm blogging mainly as a procrastination method, my essay is driving me a little crazy, just trying to order things and the like, so I don't really have a lot to say. This is largely due to the fact I really haven't been up to much in the last few days, except working on said essay and procrastinating hugely.

I did see Mike last night though which was fantastic. I was so glad to see him, I'd only seen him once so far in the holidays which is ridiculous really given he's my best friend. I really needed to see him too, I needed one on one time with someone to talk to y'know? I mean don't get me wrong, I know many people online I talk to regularly and could tell anything to, but face to face can't really be beaten. So yeah we just bummed around for the evening really. He bought popcorn (the stuff you actually do in the microwave) because its become a bit of a tradition and that was the last bag we had left from well whenever we bought in bulk (the summer maybe?) and apple loops. Now these are the most fantastic sweets in the WHOLE WORLD. Tesco's own, alright don't start on me for supporting Tesco but seriously, GORGEOUS. Just two of them is 13% of your daily allowance of sugar and we ate the whole bag between us, so god knows how much that was. This slightly contradicts the whole healthy eating thing I was moaning on about yesterday to a few people, but y'know, I wasn't really planning on starting til term started anyway, just due to practicalities. I'm waffling.

Anyway we watched Hot Fuzz, as neither of us had seen it, and my family appear to own it. The original plan had been Schindler's List as I feel like an appalling history student having never seen it, but to be honest i wasn't in the mood at all for that. Now Shaun of the Dead is one of my favourite films of ALL TIME, and I'd heard such good reviews for Hot Fuzz I was expecting the same. My god was I disappointed! Alright its funny in parts, and the whole thing being set in a Gloucestershire town made me giggle, but nothing made me laugh so I couldn't stop, or even laugh out loud particularly. I just didn't find it that funny, which is such a shame as so many of the actors Simon Pegg, Bill Murray, Bill Nighy, are some of my all time favourites. So yeah unimpressed with that one!

Final thing before I bugger off. Goldfrapp. Yesterday afternoon I was really frustrated with life in general, my essay, my eating habits everything, then I can't remember how but I thought of Goldfrapp. Within minutes I'd downloaded Seventh Tree (their current album) from iTunes and even before the end of song two I felt so much better. I fell in love with the album before I'd even heard it through the first time. Its so relaxing, and was perfect for a sunny afternoon, it'll sound great in the summer (despite the advert I saw on youtube describing it as the sound of spring). Seriously I would recommend it to everyone, or just youtube them or myspace them or something! I loved their older stuff too, Strict Machine and Ooh La La, are two of my faves but I have to admit I prefer Seventh Tree to all the older stuff. So yeah, come on guys I don't bang on about music much so when I do you should take notice!

And on a side note, she is fucking hot, and like 41, I'd love to look like her at that age, seriously, step aside Madonna, I'll do Alison Goldfrapp thanks.

America, black bouncers and free chips

2008-03-30T12:31:00.000-07:00

How times fly when you're having fun! I'm more than half way through my holidays already! And I still have far too much uni work left to do, makes me wonder what I've even been doing for the last two weeks. The amount of work i now have to do is scaring me, I just can't motivate myself at home though, I need to go to the library or something, ick.

Anyhow, most exciting news ever! I'm going to America in the summer for sure! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! The American woman eventually rang me! I'd given her two time slots of five hours last week and she'd failed to call in either and she now finally rang me yesterday. Now as most people who know me will know, I hate phone calls, I'm better than I used to be, and can now talk to my friends and family easily enough, but anyone else and I'm hopeless. So that made it bad enough, then given the fact its international that means everything's a little bit quieter and harder to hear, and then the fact it was an interview for part of the phone call. Yuck. But I survived quite well I think!

So yeh, roll on June 6th! I'm on the camp until August 10th then I'll probably travel for about 3 weeks and come home after that. I'm supposed to be either swim teaching or in a more general role. I'll be living in tents all summer and will have no Internet access most of the time. I think I'm gonna get a new phone that'll work in America, and I can get decent Internet on, so I can send emails etc. And my phone is currently dying so I don't feel too bad about that! I'm also getting a life guarding qualification for pools and lakes, so I'm hoping I might be able to apply for a job back at home then, which then gives free swimming with any luck. Its a shame I let my other one run out really. But seriously, ahhhhhh, so excited!

For the nosey amongst you the camp is called Camp Mosey Wood, and there's a website, here . . . http://www.gsep.org/pdf/camping/mosey_wood.pdf

Anyhow, I've not been up to a lot else really, working etc. But we did go out to Bristol on Monday night, which was fairly eventful. The theme was fame which was hilarious, the clashing outfits and backcombing was epic. Anyway I was horrendously drunk after losing drinking games before we had even left Carrie's flat. I then went on to terrify Rich (Gemma's boyfriend who I have at least met before when sober) and Paul (her housemate I had never met). But its all good fun and games.

After a walk into town which I do not remember we were meant to be going to Thekla but they had some crazy pub quiz night on instead of the normal student night. Anyway everywhere seemed to be closed so we ended up in Lloyds. For those of you who think Lloyds is a bank, its also a chain of bars nationwide which are linked to Wetherspoons, the main difference being that they play music. So not really an ideal night out stop, please bare this in mind later in the story. Anyway it was quite busy so it was good fun. And there were a lot of random people around who talked to us, mainly other students who had discovered everywhere was closed too. Anyway we got the bar man's number and then . . .

It was nearly closing time, and we had been behaving ourselves fine. So when the bouncer started being really rude to us, like he's been having problems with us all night, I thought it was a little rude. Anyway he walked off and I was telling my friends what had happened, and described him as 'a black guy', which in my defence he was. And he decided to chuck me out for this, in the process of which he poured my drink, which was fairly full AND I had paid for down my friends leg. What a ridiculous over reaction. I reckon he was one of those people that can't accept they are black, or as I put it earlier, he was just 'some nigger on a power trip'. Alright you guys probably think I'm racist the amount I make jokes along those lines, but most of you I hope, know I'm joking, I'm not racist at all, and that was a descriptive comment. But I WAS CHUCKED OUT, of Lloyds of all places.

It was only once this had happened I realised how drunk I was, cos I started crying. I never ever ever cry when I'm drunk, this was genuinely the first time. But i sat in the road outside Lloyds and sobbed. And I was like, 'Why the fuck am I even crying?' but carried on regardless. That being said it was a good night, we then wondered the streets for about an hour trying to lose some random guys we'd picked up who were trying to convince us to go back to theirs. And Gemma and I got cheesy chips and the nice guy gave us free salad. And that was the end of another eventful night with the Wotton girls.

What a load of babble.

2008-03-26T05:12:00.000-07:00

Eeeeee, exciting news! This morning I opened my email expecting to find loads of spam and emails from my library saying someone had requested my books and I'd have to post them back (a right pain in the ass). I did indeed have a ridiculous amount of spam, but I also had this . . .

Clare,

My name is Jodi Saul I direct a girl scout camp in Pennsylvania. I emailed you last week about setting up a time to talk about camp, but I have not heard from you, please contact me whether or not you are interested, because I have your application and BUNAC can not send it on to another camp until I release it.

Thank you,

-Jodi

Ok so I never got the first email, but still! Looks like I'm in! I'm so fucking excited already! I've been browsing on their website but I can't quite work out which camp it is, however they all look really good! Ans less than two hours from New York, which was top of my list of places to visit afterwards! Eeek, I actually can't keep the smile off my face. I know I shouldn't get too excited because its still not definite as they just want to talk to me, but still!

Right to avoid getting overexcited then disappointed I'm going to move on. I've not been up to a lot since my last entry, just chilling out, enjoying the slower pace of life back at home. Been to the pub a couple of times, even when Cheryl was there. I was proud of the fact I didn't claw her face off. But it was so nice to see everyone else, specially Gemma who I hadn't seen since August! We're off to the cinema tonight, I'm not sure what we're going to see exactly, I think someone mentioned Step Up 2, I haven't seen the first one, but never mind, I'm just going along for the 'cinema experience', haha, nah I'm just going for the laughs really. And the pub again on Thursday, its good to see pub Thursday still going strong nearly two years later. Then bowling on Friday if people get their act together and text me back. If not it'll just be a few of us, which is still nice.

Other than that I've just been at work, which has been remarkably good fun. Granted I am feeling gradually older but still. I discovered the guy I thought was hot is indeed 16, and in fact in my brothers year at school which just made it worse, still he's a really nice guy. One of those people you instantly get on with, reminds me of Matt actually, he was exactly the same last year, i remember when I got back from Rome, we just talked for hours even though we'd only just met. He's still there as well which is good, although I'm not sure how long for. A lot of us older ones are considering leaving, I doubt there will be many of us left by the end of the summer. But looks like I won't be there anyway! Although I've already had a request that I come to the staff party, its nice to be loved!

Hmm, what else to write about. Oh my grandparents came, so we spent a lot of time just sat around the TV in the evenings. Ended up watching The Great Escape the other day, I can't believe I haven't seen it before! Its an epic of a film, I'm really loving these old films at the moment. They made them long back in the day as well, 2 hours 47 minutes or something ridiculous like that. Ended up watching it over two nights as we had it saved on our hard disk recorder and its so long it started getting late and everyone was falling asleep on the sofas around me! I fell in love with Colin, he was so cute, and then he got shot, boo. Its one of those films that everyone should just be forced to watch I think.

Then after we finished that we watched Catch Me If You Can, throughout which I tried to work out if I'd seen it before. Parts of it were really familiar but the general plot wasn't, it was odd. Not the best Hanks and DiCaprio film out there, but it was easy enough viewing when I couldn't really be bothered to think. It was back in the days before DiCaprio got proper good looking as well, so that took away from the charm slightly. In my opinion it would have been better with some bigger twists, or required more thinking to work out or something. It just seemed a bit too steady and plodding along if you get me.

Finally to finish this entry I'll give it a slight seasonal twist given that it was the Easter weekend and all. Now I'm not a Christian by any stretch of the imagination, but I've always thought the Easter story is a good one. I've not seen The Passion of the Christ, the Mel Gibson film I mean, but we recorded that from the TV the other day so that's next on the agenda. But I have seen two very contrasting Easter story depictions in the last few days. The first was the BBC mini series, The Passion, for some reason I got very addicted to this even though I completely missed the first in the series. I thought it was brilliantly acted, and was very realistic without being unnecessarily gory as I've heard Gibson's film is. I also loved how it had the ability to get me to shout at the TV, when Judas was about to betray Jesus, I was there shouting at him not to, as if I could change the Easter story. It confused me when after Jesus came back to life, they chose to have different actors play him, granted I don't know the story in enough detail to be able to say they didn't give different descriptions of him, but if it was done purely to add to the 'is it really Jesus coming back from the dead' issue, I don't think its really necessary. I mean even if it had been the same actor, they'd still have been a bit like, 'NO WAY MAN YOU'RE DEAD', surely?

Anyway the other depiction came in the form of Monty Python's, The Life of Brian. I'm not sure I even need to give a review to this. It needs to be seen, if you haven't shame on you. Personally I prefer The Holy Grail, but still Brian is awesome. I'm not sure you can top the image of 15 odd people on crucifixes singing Always Look On the Brightside of Life. British comedy at its best once more.

And I think I'll leave it at that to be honest! Hope everyone had a good Easter, and I'll try and update this more regularly in the future.

Help, help i'm being repressed!

2008-03-17T14:58:00.000-07:00

So its been like two weeks, shoot me or something. I did write one other one in that time which many of you may have read but I deleted because it was just a massive moan about crap as I was in a foul mood. So yeh.

Anyway life has been bloody hectic the last two weeks, I finally finished my essays on bloody peasants, I think Monty Python had it right all along to be honest, should have just handed in a tape of this http://youtube.com/watch?v=rAaWvVFERVA. I must have seen that clip about 20 times in the last three weeks but every time I laugh. I love how it makes such a potent point (haha, at that use of words) about history, whilst obviously completely taking the mick. I love classic English humour, especially historically based stuff, Monty Python and Blackadder FTW. Oh and Dad's Army, such fond memories of that as a kid. The opening credits where the flags show the movements of the armies, must have been one of the first pieces of subconscious history I ever learnt.

Anyway, yeh finished those essays, and then went out and painted the town red. Sent many an embarrassing text for a couple of nights, absolutely killed my liver. Then spent the rest of term chilling out. Saturday was amazing, Kayleigh and I hardly moved from my bed between 3 o'clock and midnight, we watched the England rugby match then because we were lazy and really excited about what the final six Nations table would be ended up watching the Wales match too. England ended up second! English rugby makes me laugh, they seem to always play badly and scrape through things, then end up doing well, take the world cup for example! Anyway, when that finished actually got up for a bit to cook some food, then watched Billy Elliot, before spending about an hour youtubing random films, and looking on IMDB, which is quite possibly the most amazing website ever.

Billy Elliot is a brilliant film, I don't know how many times I've seen it now, 4 or 5 probably, and it can still make me cry. I'm not in the mood to write a long reply but I love the reality of it, gritty British film making. Julie Walters is fantastic, although not like any dance teacher I've ever met in my 6+ years of dancing, but there we go. And Jamie Bell is fantastic, I've not seen many (if any) of his more recent films, although he's ended up pretty hot, but as a child actor in that he's fantastic. Of course me being me, I like the political-historical back drop to it all as well. It was originally meant to be called Dancer, but I think Billy Elliot is a much better title. I read afterwards as well that in the final scene at the theatre it was debated whether Julie Walter should be there, and i want to tip my hat to the directors on that one. She shouldn't have been there, just with his friend (Michael?) being there it was verging on too slushy, so yeh, right choice!

And now I'm home. Nightmare of a train journey, ended up with my holdall between my legs most of the time (no need to make the sexual jokes). For some reason the stupid company seems to have upgraded the trains as everything seemed very new and clean, but downsized the luggage wracks. Seriously nowhere to put my bag at all, if the nice lady from Cardiff hadn't let me put it on the spare chair I might have been straddling it the whole way to Gloucester, 2 hours and 20 minutes!

Ah well, home is good. very relaxing, much slower pace of life, I like it! Having said that i got so much organised today, dentist appointments, hair cuts, premium bonds, savings accounts, you name it! And I went to staff training. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't really looking forward to it, hadn't been to work in over six months again, but when I got there it all fell straight back into place, some of the guys had left including Jak (who for anyone who doesn't know is the guy from the ballpit), but loads of them were still there. And one of the new guys was hot, but I really hope to god he wasn't 16, otherwise I really am a paedophile.

Then just a minute ago I watched Singing in the Rain with my mum. Oh my goodness, I seriously love it. Why don't they make films like that anymore? they are absolute genius, if a little bit long, I think some of the scenes went on for far too long, such as the 'last number', but on the whole I really really loved it. Ok it was obvious and cheesy and a musical for gods sake, but there's nothing wrong with that once in while! And oh to be able to dance like they could, I was just entranced, I remember in our tap lessons a few years back, Helen said her aim of the class was to dance like Gene Kelly, and OMG how great would that be, you'd be so fit, and what a party trick. I swear their legs were made of jelly. That being said, it wasn't Gene Kelly that stole the show. Oh no, I fell in love with Cosmo, his sarcastic best friend, played by. Donald O'Connor. He was hilarious! perfect man material tbh, shame he wasn't slightly better looking but I'm sure he was quite the dish back in the day!

Still I best leave it at that, I do need some sleep tonight, although having said that, its about an hour earlier than I thought it was!

On a final note, I don't normally put my poems in my blog, but this one is just so reflective of my mood right now I felt I had to include it.

Sometimes I cry I mope and I moan
But really my life is completely on loan
Time is precious
Forever just the blink of an eye
Life’s too short and then you die.

I got it good, no room for complaints
Regrets and remorse do nothing but taint
This is my life
We all make mistakes, heck I’ve made mine
But degree, friends and family, I’m doing fine.

I’ve had my fair share of critics and haters
But to be quite honest, I’ll tell them ‘Laters’
I’ll do what I want
With a smile on my face
Cos right now I’m in a damn happy place.

I’m always determined, brave and strong
People never underestimate me for long
Sure I’m not perfect
But then that’s not my goal
To live life to the max, as one happy soul.

Mai Ah Hi Mai Ah Ho!

2008-03-05T03:08:00.001-08:00

What a great way to start a morning. A bowl of cereal, a blog, and an absolutely massive cup of coffee (courtesy of a stolen Starbucks mug). As per usual I don't have anything to say, but I've been nagged to write, so write I will. Bit hypocritical really when my last entry is more recent than his, I've just noticed!

Yesterday was an incredibly odd day mood wise, I wouldn't say roller coaster, that's a bit extreme, but it had its ups and downs. The morning was nothing too special, I dragged myself out of bed for my nine o'clock lecture (seriously if I'm gonna have only 5 hours a week, there no need to put to of those hours at nine o'clock is there?), went to that and my seminar, filled time in between etc.

Came back and messed around for a while, started watching video of Ozone, the Romanian band originally from Moldavia who released that annoyingly catchy Dragostea Din Tei a couple of summers ago, 2004 I think?
Here it is for your viewing pleasure; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgU_m3SuYPE
I can't stop listening to them recently, even though I know they are complete crap. Its a result of someone posting a thread on TF (www.teenageforums.com/forums > indiscreet advertising, woop), about the worst album you own. And yes I did indeed own Ozone's album. It was a birthday present, my friend ordered it all the way from Romania for I'm guessing it must have been my 16th birthday. I think the postage cost more than the album did. The album has subsequently gone missing, I lent it to a friend a while back, and she says she gave it back, but I don't remember having it. I think the likelihood is its ended up at one of my friends houses/cars and no one realises they have it. Anyhow, the point of this waffle was that I was trying to establish whether the all guy in the video with dark glasses was hot or not, cos you can't really tell in that video. He also really reminds me of one of my friends, in terms of his movements, its most odd. Anyway, hell was I successful. Check him out!

Phwoar! I'd have a piece of that, I like his shirt too! Although when James used to have one similar I called it a table cloth, still maybe he just didn't pull it off so well.

Wow, so that was a random detour I didn't intend on taking. I think I've had far too much caffeine, I feel like I'm buzzing slightly. Anyway so then I went to the library, and talked to Matty on the phone on the way there. I used to hate talking on the phone, but I think I'm genuinely over it now. Talking to people on the phone always leaves me smiling, specially the crap I talk to Matty. So yeah people, you've been told, ring me! Just not during lectures, still there's only five of those a week, you'd be unlucky to hit one of those.

And this is where my day went downhill. I went to get some short loan books out, came back upstairs, read them all. And went to take them back and realised I had no idea where my library card was. I figured I musta left it by the computer, or by the self checkout machine. This was maybe an hour later. Went down it was at neither. I asked at the desk and at lost property, not been handed in. I'm beginning to panic now. Because not only is it £15 for a new one (YES FIFTEEN POUND, HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT), but the library is like my life. I'm not kidding, I can't cope without the library. And its my sports membership and my student ID. I stuck around for a couple of hours hoping someone would hand it in, but no such luck. Some fucker stole it for spare student ID I imagine. Damn them to hell. At least it proved easy to get a new one, takes 24 hours to activate fully which is why I'm at home now and not geeking it out in the library.

And it meant I ended up missing yoga. Damn them, damn them all! So instead I ended up doing crunches and sit ups, and yoga, and jogging on the spot in my room to relieve my aggression! I had an amazing dinner of curry though, and talked to many a lovely person on the Internet in the evening, whilst still getting some work done! And forums ftw (www.forumsftw.com > more indiscreet advertising) is really beginning to take off, woop woop!

I think I'm gonna leave it at that cos I just spent ten minutes mucking around on web cam and this blog has taken me about an hour and a half cos I keep getting distracted, and I really should do some work.

Ya da ya da ya da

2008-03-02T10:47:00.000-08:00

Right I should warn you now, I've started this entry not really knowing where I'm going with it.

Firstly my big news is, I got accepted by BUNAC! I'm going to America baby! Well hopefully, they still have to find a camp to place me on, but the chances are I am now going. Its all a bit surreal really, I just signed up for three months in another country living with spoilt rich kids. Mad? Partially perhaps, but come on, would you turn down the chance to travel America for very little money? No I thought not. So exciting! I have to go to a 'orientation' session over the Easter holidays, which is just a massive question and answer session as far as I can work out, so that'll be good, maybe I'll realise quite what I'm letting myself in for and run for the hills.

Uh so what have I been up to? Oh on Thursday I went out dressed as a policeman, that was a laugh. Although I was pretty much the only one dressed up, which I was not happy about! Then we went into Gatecrasher and they took my toy gun away. I was gutted. I can't remember a lot of what happened, except we ended up coming home early, basically cos Hannah wanted to shag her friend and me and Adam didn't want to stay on our own. I then proceeded to make myself cheesy chips and nearly took them out the oven with no oven gloves on, I was drunker than I realised I think.

Other than that I've been trying to stay in and do some work. I have two essays to write still! Not going too badly now, just need to keep up the hard workingness. I did make time to watch the last two episodes of series 2 of Lost. Wow, it was weak after all. It wasn't quite as bad as I was expecting, I mean at least they have Sawyer, Kate and Jack held captive, so that's one bit of interest for next time, and I do wonder why they let Hurley go but still. I guess you gotta wonder whether Michael and Walt get away, but I don't know if I care that much anymore, I've gone of Michael rather a lot now. Ok he's doing anything to get his son back blah blah blah, and I'm sure that's what being trapped on an island does to you. But lets face it, its a big cast, I can't like them all.

Oh and I completely missed what was happening at the end because I was falling asleep. A couple of guys in a station thing? I dunno, maybe I even dreamed that.

Oh and last night I watched The Last Kiss. I was in the video shop (I know an actual video shop, how quaint!) actually looking for the first Bourne movie, but I saw that there, and after a brief phone call to my movie buff, realised I hadn't seen it, got that instead. Its a really good film actually, I cried. But thats cos I'm a big girl and I was on my own. But I thought the film seemed really genuine it wasn't ridiculously Hollywood sugar coated. Like the scenes with Michael and Jenna when they were probably screaming at each other. It also didn't have a ridiculously happy ending which I liked, ok she lets him back in the door but still, there was no @I LOVE YOU SO MUCH', dramatic music styleee. Same with the sub plot of Chris, he didn't get back with his wife, he just carried on being the kids father.

All that being said, I fucking hated the character of Kim. She was so stupid, and annoying. She musta been 20/21 ish? She'd clearly slept with a guy before Michael. And yet she knew nothing. the first bit when she asks whether he wants her number, I swear I could have leaped at the screen and scratched her pretty little face to shreds. And ringing him asking him to come over and she wouldn't touch him. Fucking hell. Ok granted it was partially his fault, for going along with it all, but I love Zach Braff, so I'm gonna ignore that.

Awesome soundtrack too, Snow Patrol and Coldplay, 'I misss youuuu'. ha that song brings back so many memories of me, my dad and my brother singing it in the car at the top of our voices. Love it.

I think that's me done to be honest. I have to decide if I want to watch something tonight and I really don't know. Hmm. Oh I scored the goal that saved our match today, proud of myself!

Earthquake! etc.

2008-02-27T05:53:00.000-08:00

Ok as most of you probably know there was an earthquake last night at 12.56 am. I had just got into bed and was at the point of dozing off when I hear this strange rumbling. Given I'm next to a main road and my window was open I assumed it was a lorry driving past, either that or just wind (it had been ridiculously windy during the day). Anyway that's when the building starts to shake, and I'm just like wtf? It went on for a fair while actually, 30 seconds or so maybe? I thought maybe I was asleep to begin with, but it seemed so real, I didn't even comprehend it was an earthquake. I mean its not a regular occurrence really, but the longer it went on the more I figured it must be.

Anyway it stopped and I was just like, 'well that was odd', but rolled over and was about to try and go to sleep. Then I got a frantic knock on the door, and Alice going, "DID YOU FEEL THAT!?!?". Did I feel the largest earthquake in the UK in nearly 25 years? Yes I bloody did, I'd have been a bit gutted not to have done really. She was terrified bless her, me and Kayleigh were just like, 'well that was weird'. I don't think we probably helped her much. But yeh it was a surreal experience, added to by seeing everyone gathering outside in dressing gowns as well. Still nice thing to cross off my things to do before I die list (ok I don't have one of those, and if i did earthquake wouldn't feature high up the list, but you get the point)!

Although in the grand schemes of things its not that much really, it was a 5.2 on the Richter scale, about 820 of those occur a year (according to Wikipedia), so as usual its the UK making a big deal of everything. Oh know its snowed, the world has ground to a halt etc. One bloke was seriously injured when a chimney collapse on him, I mean no disrespect to the guy, I'm sure it hurt but compare that to the 2003 earthquake in Bam, Iraq, where the rumoured number of deaths reached 80,000 (although ,more realistically 30,000) its not much really. I think that's kind of reflected in the photo chosen by the BBC for their story on the website. Sure he doesn't look happy. We British just need to man up.

Well I wrote that yesterday, then blogger decided to be a bastard and refused to let me post it (although it may admittedly have been my Internet). But either way, I lost the second half which was about ice hockey so here we go again.

On Monday I went to the ice hockey varsity against Nottingham Trent University with the hockey lot, it was great fun. I think shouting, 'GNVQ!', 'Your Dad works for my Dad', and 'Stand up if you know your Dad' was enough entertainment to cover the entrance price alone. Oh that and the Mexican wave that went round the arena about 4 times. But the ice hockey was good too, if extremely frustrating, and as cliched as it is, we were robbed. Their goalie was amazing, and so many of our shots just would not go in, they won two nil in the end, despite us being the better team. I guess its some consolation that their goalie got man of the match.

Anyway we managed to drown our sorrows fairly effectively, in true hockey style. As normal we spent half an hour walking round in circles trying to find Bloo bar, where a friend of a friend of a friend etc. was having their 21st. We pretty much doubled the number of people there. Still it was quite a nice place, we didn't stay long though cos it was late already, and expensive. So we moved on to Spoons. There wasn't many of us by that stage actually, and finally we hit the Cookie club where we completely owned the dance floor. It was a great night, so much fun.

The next morning wasn't so fun. I got in at quarter to four, and then had a nine o clock lecture, so when I woke up three hours later, I was still drunk. I proceeded to fall asleep in my first lecture. I survived the day more or less though, including my seminar and my group work meeting. Had a nap and then stayed up and did more work!

And now that its Thursday guess I may as well tell you what happened yesterday despite losing all energy and enthusiasm to blog. Yeh Callum (off of TF) came to visit, well not technically me as I'm not that exciting, but yeh. We went ice skating which was awesome fun, even though it fricking killed. But I didn't fall over! He did, unfortunately I have no photographic evidence, and he's likely to deny it, but he actually did! Please believe me! Anyhow, we got take away, then Spoons.

Where I swear all the weirdos had come out just for Callum. Some guy was completely off his face on something and was telling us how he used to put LSD in his eyeballs and roll them back into his head so it went straight to the blood stream, and something about a song from the 80s. When we left he was stood outside on the tram lines preaching to a lot of bemused looking people. The there was an Elton John lookalike, who had trousers up to his armpits in Simon Cowell stylee, who was stood about a millimetre from the door and window looking out, and acting very suspiciously. Then a really skinny ginger guy in drag, who walked through Spoons completely on his own as if no one was there. Very odd. Then this morning, we saw another weirdo, with cotton wool in his ear!? who told us when to cross the road. Strange times.

And that's about it really. Stole a Starbucks mug cos we're cool, obviously. I went to the library brought some fancy dress (bar crawl dressed as a police man tonight) and came home.

Sorry this has been a well long entry, written on separate occasions, with no pictures. But there we go. If you got this far, I love you.

Procrastination, again.

2008-02-25T07:26:00.000-08:00

Aye, so its been forever again. I am so busy at the moment, and blogging always takes far longer than i think its going to!

Life ain't bad at the moment though, 2008 has actually been pretty awesome, much better than 2007 so far! Nah i'm particularly happy at the moment, I'm not really sure (although as someone, probably Matty, is sure to point out, its cos I've had sex recently . . .). Nah seriously I love being single, and lack of sex genuinely doesn't bother me, but then you get it, and you remember what you're missing I guess! Having said that, it is annoying when those nasty feeling things get in the way, and people misunderstand things, but we won't go into that here.

Anyway, I'm severely lacking in money and time at the moment, but the solution seems to be, to go out, thus spending more time and money, and getting no work done. Chris came to stay last week from tuesday til Thursday, so thus I did no work in that time, and we ended up going out both nights. I drank five pints of cider and blackcurrent on Tuesday, I didn't even realise I could fit that much liquid into me to be honest! We just went to the SU which was good fun. Our SU is lovely, its proper classy but friendly at the same time, and does AMAZING nachos. Alice was on top form as well, the 'I'm normal' comment will go down in history I think. Then on wednesday we ended up in Pizza Hut then BZR, which is possibly my favourite bar of all time, triples for £2.50! The others were being lame though, so we ended up coming home quite early, then we fell asleep in front of the Departed.

OH and I forced Chris to watch A Knight's Tale, because he didn't even really know who Heath Ledger was until he died. And I fuckign love Heath Ledger and that film, it has Paul Bettany in it too! Whats not to like! plus the dude that plays mark Anthony in ROME, who's name I've forgotten but who is hoooottttt (although not as hot as Heath Ledger RIP)!

I nearly ended up going out on Friday night as well, cos Rukmanie had a friend staying from home, and the second year lot were going to the Old peacock then Ocean, but in the end I got back from hockey too late and needed to shower, eat etc. So I actually stayed in and worked on Friday! WOW!

Ended up out again on Saturday night, which was strange as we never go out on a saturday, but I got a text from Hannah, saying 'I'm bored fancy doing something?' Anyway turned out to be one of the best random nights out in ages. We went on the Nottingham eye, which is currently in market square. It was dark obviously but the lights were cool, I wish we'd had a camera with me, and my phone camera is crap. Then we went to Walkabout, which was packed and he couldn't work out why until we saw the mass of England Rugby shirts! I'd forgotten it was on! So we saw about the last 20 minutes or so, and we won! I got chatted up by three guys all of whom were over the age of 30. We had three pitchers between us. Watched some hilarious guys dancing to Soulja Boy. Then decided to go to Vodka Revolutions, only to get there and find a queue. We'd forgotten it was a saturday and normal people don't work in the same way as students. So we ended up getting cheesy chips and coming home. But still fantastic night!

Sunday night I also managed to stay in, and actually did some work after failing to do any before hockey. We played in the rain again, but we did win, and Hot Ben played (yes his real name is Hot Ben!).

And that brings us today. I haven't done much of excitement so far, work, food shopping, thats about it. But I'm going to the varsity ice hockey later, University of Nottingham vs. Nottingham Trent University. I'm ready to shout abuse at them about how few GCSEs they got between them. Oh yes, we're classy students. Then out drinking, and given we're going with the hockey lot, its gonna be messy! I hope Hannah is coming, it won't be the same without her, and I won't have anyones drinks to finish for them!

Ah I love my life.

Snowww!

2008-02-19T02:37:00.000-08:00

Wow, an entry less than 24 hours after the last one! I'm filling time really, I have a seminar in ten minutes so don't really have time to start anything.

I'm in such an amazing mood today, I woke up, and it snowed over night! Its a pretty bleak day, but the snow on the trees looks amazing. And lets face it, I'm still a big kids that loves the snow. I was walking to my lecture earlier, and I couldnt work out whether it was snow or just the heaviest frost in the history of mankind. But I'm pretty sure its snow, as it seemed to be lightly coming from the sky at the same time. In a way its annoying it snowed because Chris is coming today and I don't want him to have problems with the train (as he seems useless enough as it is with trains, bless him). But provided he gets here alright, then its all good. Although I hope the sun comes out because its been beautiful recently and I need to prove to him Nottingham actually is a nice place, and a little sun always helps with that!

I'm having major clothing issues as well, I went out this morning assuming it would be absolutely freezing because of the snow, but if anything its warmer than it has been. I also put trainers on (which actually aren't the most comfortable things every), because I thought it was going to be wet, and I was wearing ridiculously flared jeans so boots didn't work. Then it wasn't even that wet underfoot. These are what we call the trials and tribulations of Clare Quarton, soon to be a book.

Yeh so lecture in a bit, then bum around, do some work, then go collect Chris from the station. I think we'll just go to the SU bar tonight cos I'm feeling lazy, and going into town seems like so much effort, and he'll probably be tired after travelling.

Thats all I have time for really. Oh I got my first (and last) valentines yesterday from my dear friend Ben I know online. He was too much of a wuss to send it until Dave dropped him in it. Hand drawn and everything. Bless him....I thought I had it saved on my computer but apparently not. Never mind. It made me smile anyway. Right best be off, or I'll be late. English reformation seminar here I comeeee!

This and that

2008-02-18T12:47:00.001-08:00

Once again, theres been a huge gap between entries. Largely because I've lost interest half way through writing them, and because very little of interest has happened recently. I've been attempting to knuckle down to work, and failing, but there we go.

The most exciting thing, was my BUNAC interview. I went on Sunday morning, to the Jury's Inn, near the station (which is a really really nice hotel by the looks of it) and talked to a lovely guy called Thomas something. I was surprisingly un-nervous. The night before I was fine, but I assumed I'd get nervous the next day, specially given the last interview I had was the one where I failed to get into Cambridge. Anyway it was so informal, it put you completely at ease, he didn't even bother to shut the door and part way through another candidate actually came in to give a form he was obviously finishing off. Anyway he seemed really positive about it, and I feel it went well. I should find out quite soon if I'm going or not, but not necessarily where I'm going or what I'll be doing. So fingers crossed! So excited.

And other than that very little has happened. My friend Chris is coming to stay tomorrow until thursday which should be a laugh. Not sure what we'll get up to, but its sure to be full of havoc and alcohol.

So what else can I write to fill up this entry. Oh I know, watched Rent again the other day. I fucking love this film. I'm always apprehensive about showing people it, because I think its probably quite a select audience. Its a musical for a start which isn't everyones cup of tea. I'm not sure the main plot themes, of aids, homosexuality, tranvestites and heroin abuse probably help much to expland its fan base. That being said, it does seem to be hugely popular among the people who do love it.

Its adapted originally from the Broadway show, and something like 5 or 6 of the cast are the originals from there. It follows the lives of a group of friends living in New York in the year 1990. The characters are amazing, and I love them all to bits. The songs are fantastic, and get stuck in your head so much. I find it hard to sum up really, its just one of those films I feel a huge rush of emotion for in a scrambled form. It never fails to make me cry as well.

And maybe most importantly, Roger is the spitting image of a young Jon Bon Jovi, what more could you ask for, scenes with him in could quite often be mistaken for a Bon Jovi video at first glance.

I want to be there!

So yeah, if you are a musical fan, watch it now! Even if you're not, probably watch it. I'm apprehensive cos I love it so much I don't want people to hate it. I'm also finally getting to the end of series 2 of lost. Only two episodes to go! I actually had to watch two episodes back to back the other day cos I needed to know what happened. thats the first time probably this series that has happened. And even then it was all solved within the first five minutes of the next episode. Anyway I am curious as to how this series will work out. I think despite my rant, I probably will end up watching series 3. I've had people tell me thats the best series so far as well now. Conflicting advice really doesn't help!

And finally . . . I love Sainsbury's! I just bought two dvds and two cds for £13! Billy Elliot (which I absolutely love to death, it always makes me cry), Shaun of the Dead (which I originally saw instead of going to my year eleven prom), Rihanna's first album, and Jamiroquai's singles album. Bargain and a half!

Too much alcohol, too little work

2008-02-13T16:41:00.000-08:00

Urgh I've been meaning to blog in absolutely ages, but everytime I finally get round to it I'm absolutely knackered, and now that I do, it seems to daunting a task to catch up the weeks events. So since the middle of last week what have I done?

More or less fucked up both my eating and sleeping habits and done no work. However I have had an absolutely brilliant time so not all is lost.

I'm gonna skip last week, because to be honest I can't really remember what happened (I think I need to stop drinking) and the fun didn't really start until saturday. Ok so the weekend I planned to get tons of work done, bascially cos I have a deadline next week, and stupidly I invited my friend to come and stay for a few days before (I don't think I realised it was just before my deadline at the time). Anyway the weekend didn't really go to plan. After procrastinating saturday morning with a trip to the supermarket (which in fairness was necessary I had very little food), we discovered that there was a chinese buffet in the afternoon for free. Now students and free food, I guess we should have known it would be packed. but we waited for many hours (or so it seemed) and actually got some decent food out of it. I say we, Kayleigh was not best pleased with the Veggie selection which by the time we got there consisted of seaweed.

So far not doing well, not to worry, we're not even half way through the weekend yet. Then I got a text at half seven from Vicky saying they were in Broadgate bar, starting a campus 14. A campus 14 should probably be explained, it consists of going to all 12 uni halls bars, and then to the SU twice, Broadgate doesn't actually fit into that plan, but being Broadgaters, we tend to adapt. Its normally done in fancy dress, and is strictly speaking banned by the university, as someone died doing one a couple of years back (however they were stupid enough to decide to swim the lake after the 13 bars).

Anyway originally I thought, hey why not I'll go up to the bar say hello, and that'll be that. Then Hannah rings (me + Hannah = bad combination = completely smashed), and then we realised we were going to do the whole thing. Which we dutifully did, we missed a couple, and got slightly lost on the way (its a bloody big campus) as well as getting in a stupid fight with Brutus and David Bowie, getting bitched at by some girls playing darts, undoing a guys clothes who had them all on backwards, and stopping random guys to ask them for names for willies (I feel quite enlightened). And we finally made it to the SU.

I have to admit, my memory of the time in the SU is fairly hazy. We must have got there before 11 cos we didn't pay, next time i looked at my watch it was quarter to three and I was walking home (strange in itself given the SU closes at 2, and I was less than ten minutes walk away from it). Anyway I met a guy, who I can't refer to as hot, as Matty will tell me off, however I can't be bothered to find a thesauraus either, so we'll leave it as I met a guy. Who came back to mine. Nice guy too. Turns out he's from Exeter too, which is a bit of a bummer really. I have the most unfortunate love life I have decided. And yes, I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

It was sunday that my sleeping pattern really began to get fucked up. we finally got up at 2, cos I had a hockey match, and after pointing him vaguely back across campus, I made it to hockey, only to find our match had been cancelled. I proceeded to spend the entire length of the friendly we played complaining about being forced to get out of bed for no reason. Then for some unknown reason I stuck around to watch the firsts game, which was actually hilarious, they thrashed the opposition, but for various complaicted reasons (mainly that Ted refused to do a scoring chance) we began booing our own team.

Finally got back from hockey and I had to shower amazingly quickly, tidy my room, stop it smelling of sex and be ready to be pleasant for when my family decided to turn up for a while on their way home from my grandparents. I think I actually did remarkably well. And I have no idea what happened after this but I was back in bed at nine. Quite possibly the shortest day I have ever witnessed.

I then proceeded to sleep for a good 12 hours. Monday was largely uneventful I completely wated another chance to work. Then went out in the evening to a hockey social. Hockey socials are ALWAYS messy. I was prepared for this despite my nine o clock the next morning. Anyway we went to the dogs races, which was pretty cool actually, I'd not been before. As there was a large group of us we got some free bets and as such I didn't lose much money. Adam my hockey captain lost a ridiculous amount, but I think it was for attention really. Who's to say. And we got free pie and peas, muchy peas which I actually can't stand, but being a good student ate nonetheless, oh and how could I forget, I got a free drink as well!

After the dogs we headed to Lloyds and then Oceana, which was its normal drunken/packed self. Again my memory is hazy, and I remember spinning around on a chair quite a lot, and feeling ill, as well as losing and finding people regularly (my pet hate of that place). Highlight of the night, I broke my bag, and as a result discovered at least two of my pockets in my jeans were fake. I was not impressed, and I ended up splitting my things between people, which at the time was a brilliant idea, but after losing Charlie who had both the majority my money and my phone, turned out not to be.

We got home eventually (about three I think), and bizarrely the next morning I woke up for my nine o'clock lecture. This is virtually unheard of when I haven't been out the night before, but when I have (especially to a hockey social) its outstanding. However by midday I was feeling rough, partly hangover and partly Exeter germs I think. Still I managed to go to my lecture, seminar and concert, as well as see my personal tutor, all whilst having 4 hours of sleep during the day.

And I think thats pretty much all there is to report really. Went for a chinese all you can eat earlier which was good, and found the location of my interview in sunday but thats about it. Oh and started filling in a bastard of a CRB form, but I've ranted about that enough elsewhere that I've lost interest now. And I imagine so have you after I've failed to include any photos. or pictures to maintain your interest, and wittered on solely about my life, which isn't all that fascinating. I also cannot be bothered to spell check it, so if you've made it this far, you really do deserve a pat on the back!

Exams, forms and the Departed (some spoilers)

2008-02-06T17:26:00.000-08:00

I was gonna blog yesterday and the day before actually, but I ended up absolutely knackered and yet unable to sleep, was awake til 3 in the morning in the end. I wasn't best pleased but at least I didn't have to get up for anything this morning so twasn't too bad.

And in all honesty I haven't really had that much worth blogging about. I got my exam results back on tuesday, and my god was I pleased. I have an average of 67.3% this year now, and all my exams were higher than my essays which I didn't think I ever achieved! And I even got a first in one of my exams! I was ecstatic to be honest. I walked back from the history department in the pouring rain with a MASSIVE grin on my face, I must have looked like a complete maniac, but I didn't care!

My tutor also said she'd write my second reference for BUNAC which was a relief (my work are doing my other one). So I seem to have spent a ridiculous amount of time filling in this bloody form over the last few days. Some of it is really straight forward, but there are questions asking me about my personal philosophy, and basically asking me to write my whole life story down, it gets more difficult. I think forms are the banes of everyones lives to be honest, my mum said she'd have been a headteacher years ago if it wasn't for the fact she hated filling in forms. In some ways its easier nowadays doing it online, changing mistakes etc, my loan form for example was ten times easier, but this one puts it onto a PDF file, and then all the editing goes crazy and it looks like I'm incapable of using paragraphs, which isn't the best impact to make on an application form.

Anyhow, what other news do I have? Oh yeh, I've been appointed super mod on teenageforums.com which is pretty cool. You should have a look at it at some point, its a really active community, and its genuinely the only large teen board I've ever been on where I like the majority of people there, and most importantly the admin!

Other than that I've really not been up to anything vaguely out of the ordinary, lectures, seminars, strongbow drinking thats about it. I finally got round to watching The Departed last night. Its been sat on my shelf for ages, I'd seen the first hour or so before, last year sometime, but its a long film, and we'd all been knackered when we started watching so we gave up and intended to watch the second half another time. That time never came. I'd been planning to watch it since I bought it in October but a good time never arose where I was awake enough and had two and a half hours to waste.

Bloody good film though, I've always liked police/crime dramas on TV (I mean decent ones, not any of this The Bill crap), and especially enjoy crime books, and this was just perfection. You have to think so hard, just to get your head around everything, and I want to watch it again already just cos I know I'd get more next time, I was still left slightly confused in places. The cast is superb, theres so many big names in it, including Jack Nicholson, Matt Damon (who I love) and Leonardo DiCaprio (who is so hot nowadays), and they all played their parts brilliantly. Oh and Mark Wahlberg who is also awesome. Thats two Wahlberg films in a few days actually, cos Kayleigh and I watched the new Italian job last week.

In fact they both look frigging hot in that picture, ha.

Its given an 18 certificate which I didn't immediately understand, its not overly bloody or violent, theres only really one sex scene which is 15 material at most. It was only when we'd been watching for about an hour and a half that I realised that every second word was a swear word. I don't know what that says about my language, or society in general, but even so I'm surprised that the language alone would make it an 18. Maybe the violence was bad enough, but after watching Sweeney Todd last night it didn't seem like anything, maybe the realism is the point though. But even compared to say Gangs of New York (another DiCaprio film), I wouldn't say it was overly violent.

Oh well who am I to say? I'm no film expert really. Kayleigh was slightly annoyed by the unjust ending, I think she's glad Damon ended up dead, but still didn't want DiCaprio to die. But I think ultimately it had to happen that way. It just isn't a film thats gonna have a happy ending.

I think we're gonna watch another DVD tonight, seems to be the way things are going atm, I think we're all abit ill and generally lethargic at the moment so no one really has the energy to go out out. Anyway thats me done, I best go back to trying to decipher old English primary sources now. Oh the joys.

Lent and Lost.

2008-02-04T05:55:00.000-08:00

Ups and downs, rounds and rounds. I seem to be going from to the other at the moment, and I really have no clue why. Maybe its winter blues. My life is pretty good at he moment and I know that, but something small will go wrong and I just don't seem to be able to take it quite as well as I normally can. take BUNAC for example, I booked my interview for next weekend, the 17th, and have to fill my form in and get two references by then. Should be easy. Yet yesterday it all seemed so daunting, and I just wanted to pack it all in. Granted I had just played two games of hockey and was absolutely knackered. I dunno, its odd, its not like I expect everything to be a walk in the park.

Anyway. Last night I was knackered so I thought I'd finish off my seminar prep then watch some more Lost. As with everything I'm years behind everyone else, I never used to watch TV when I was at home, I was never around at the same time everyweek to watch a series, and if I did watch TV I normally watched what my parents watched. Then I came to uni and had no TV.

Anyway I downloaded the first series of Lost last year and really enjoyed it. Instead of watching one episode at a time, I'd watch two or three, as each episode left you hanging on. At the time many people told me the first series was good and the next two crap. At the time I refused to believe it, cos the first series was SO good. But now, I'm struggling my way through the second series. My friend lent me the boxset, which is just as well given how slow my internet is this year, but I just can't get into it in the same way. Despite episodes being a good length to watch, it just seems such a task.

Its all become far too unbelievable, I know it was never believable what with polar bears and the like, but really, a button you have to press every 108 minutes or the world ends, perleaseee. Not only that but the plot isn't really going anywhere anymore. They just seem to go off and do one thing or another, week after week, not achieving anything. Take the episode I watched last night for example, Episode 19, SOS, they don't even bother with making the sign. If they've lost interest in getting off the island, the island can't be all that dangerous afterall, and as such I've lost interest. Excuse the pun. And worst of all I've been told series 3 is just as bad.

All this makes me question, with the fourth series now showing, is it really worth the effort to carry on? It bugs me, cos I do want the answers to some of the questions, but when they'll ever be answered you just can't say, there could be aseries 5, 6 and 7 before anything gets solved. It does my head in.

Rant over, I guess. I think i'll give it to the end of the series then if it doesn't manage to give the series a good cliff hanger I'll just give up.

I made a decision earlier, all be it a fairly stupid one. I'm giving up chocolate for Lent. I'm not religious, so its nothing to do with that. I've always been curious as to whether I could actually give up chocolate for an extended period of time, and Lent does at least provide that timeframe. Also one of my friends is doing it, so it'll be easier to bug each other. And I'm on a bit of a heath kick at the moment, I'm getting back into my exercise, and I'd love to just boot out some of the crap I eat and tone up. So yes, watch this space on that one. I think as soon as the essay deadlines draw near I'll be screwed to be honest, but we'll see.

PS. I'm pregnant. Apparently.

Odds and ends

2008-02-01T08:36:00.001-08:00

Today got off to a VERY bad start. I went to bed early last night with a splitting headache, making sure to set my alarm for half seven, as I had a lecture at nine. The first lecture of the module, that I needed to get to so I knew what the hell was going on. So I woke up this morning, the first thing I thought was, its very light outside and the traffic seems loud for half seven or before half seven as my alarm hadn't gone off. So I turned my phone on, and sure enough 9.16 blinked at me. Fucks sake.

Anyway I leapt out of bed pulled on some clothes and ran across campus to talk to the lecturer at the end, which is just as well seeing as my seminar was this afternoon. But not the best start to the morning. Especially given I really needed a shower when I woke up, let alone after running across campus.

In happier news, it snowed today. It was beautiful earlier, but now its just gone dark and dingy. I'm kind of hoping it won't snow again for the rest of today as I have hockey training in an hour. I'm listening to Trent FM, and they were just reassuring us that on monday they would report any school closures due to snow. Optimistic much? It had already turned to rain my the time I left my seminar at quarter to four. Oh well, it would be nice if it did snow tomorrow.

I was going to rant about trains, what with there being a derailed train affecting nearly all trains leaving Nottingham for the South east, which affected Kayleigh who is off to Southampton this afternoon, goodness knows where she is. But to be honest I can't be bothered. Its not really the train companies fault part of a bridge had fallen on the track and the train hit it.

I don't really have a lot else to talk about. I'm wasting time before hockey if I'm honest. I've suddenly realised that actually I do have work to do and should probably get on with it. But then wheres the fun in getting anything down before the night before the deadline.

Sweeney Todd and Life

2008-01-31T03:28:00.000-08:00

We got the house! 1 Kittiwake Mews is miiine! A kittiwake is a seagull apparently, thats not quite so exciting as it sounds but heh. So yeh after a ew hiccups involving a certain housemate ot knowing for sure whether she wanted to get the house or even stay at uni at all, we signed the contract yesterday, and I wrote a cheque for £600! Ouch! Thankfully Alice is giving me her £300 back on monday, so its not too much of a blow!

I've had such a successful organised few days actually, I booked my interview for BUNAC (an America summer campo scheme), so looks like I'm dedicated to going to America this summer! February 17th is the date, I have to find two references before then which is the hardest part, I've emailed my personal tutor and my head of sixth, and I'm hoping to talk to my managers on monday morning at wor because obviously they are the best reference I can get, as I've worked there with kids for three years and loved every minute of it. So at th moment its just a case of waiting, I started tying to fill in the application form, but I need to go through it with my mum and she's majorly stressed with ofsted atm so I'll have to wait for the weekend for that.

Lectures and stuff started again this week, and they look really interesting, I'm quite excited. But I won't bore you with my nerdiness.

Anyway last night Kayleigh and I went to see Sweeney Todd. I really wanted to go and see it, mainly out of curiosity I think. I'd heard really good reviews and really crap ones. But for me it was just one of those films that I had to see, everyone would be talking about it etc etc. My brief review I gave to my dad was 'bizarre and bloody'.

One of my friends told me 'depp was crap, the story was crap and the ending was crap'. So in response:
1. The cast - With a cast including Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Alan Rickman (as well as supporting roles by Timothy Spall and Sacha Baron Cohen), before I went in I questioned how a film could be bad with a cast like that. Depp was far from crap, I would agree that maybe it wasn't the best I've seen him, for me Chocolat remains his best film, but he played the part well. And his singing was good. Helena B-C was as entrancing as ever, I love that woman, and the relatively small role played by Alan Rickman, was him at his normal high standard (irrelevantly, how sexy is his voice?). For me though, the person that stole the show was Toby, the kid whoultimaely becomes he hero f the story in a twisted way. His acting was brilliant, and if that was his singing voice, he will go far.

2. The Story - I have to admit, the story wasn't the greatest. The general idea of it was fine, Judge kills wife, Barber wants revenge with the side story of his friend falling for her daughter. All fairly standard, obviously in a twisted way, and I don't even object to the human pies aspect of the story. What got me was how, to my mind at least, the story stalled, after the judge got away the first time, the story semed to come to a stand still, and all the other deaths, and the growth of the pie shop, were although necessary in setting the scene, drawn out for far too long to the extent it seemed the film stopped, then restarted.

3. The Ending - Yeah, I think my friend was justified in this. I got confused for a start, where the hell did his wife appear from? And although maybe unnecessary I think they should have tied up the love story, but maybe thats me just looking for a happy ending. I don't know how I would have ended it, and I can't really criticise it sensibly, I was just left feeling a little empty. I think Todd did need to kill Mrs. Lovett, and should have ended up dead himself, but still . . .

Other than that my other criticism would be that it was rather unnecessarily bloody. Granted the blood did look like ketchup but it didn't add anything to the film, other than maybe stamp Burton's authority on it. To me, it would have made more sense to reduce the blood and make it fifteen opening it up to a larger audience.

Having said all that, I did enjoy the film, and I'm really glad I saw it. I wasn't aiming to give it a negative review. I think the musical aspect of it worked really well, I wasn't convinced to start with, but it grew on me, I particularly liked the number where Depp and B-C were at the shop window describing types of meat (lawyer, priest, vicar, poet etc.). The two of them were also incredible opposite numbers, I didn't expect anything less to be honest. But the chemistry between them was perfect.

I also loved, this is me being a geek I expect, but how London was painted in its dark, dingy light. Don't get me wrong, I love period dramas, but too often, its all seen so perfectly, clean etc. When in reality this wasn't the case. I think it painted the picture perfectly, refelected in Todd's little song, which unfortunately I can't find the quote for, going on about how shit London was.

But for me the best bit of the whole film, was how beautifully it was shot. I'm not good with technicalities but it reflected the mood and atmosphere of the story perfectly.

So yeh, I'd definitely recommend seeing it, I don't think I'll ever watch it again, but I enjoyed it for a one off.

What a week!

2008-01-28T03:32:00.000-08:00

Sorry its been an absolute age. I went away for a lot of last week, and have spent the rest of it either drunk/hungover/not at my computer. Anyway absolutely tons has happened in the intervening time and I'm not actually sure you'll want to hear it, so here are the highlights.

1. Finished my exams -went alright I think, hard to tell really.

2. Got drunk post exams - fairly self explanatory.

3. Went to Penrith on the train. And had a stalker!
Well I arrived on the platform at Nottingham station, a platform I'd never been to as well (which given there's only 6 is moderately surprising) and there was Adam, my hockey captain, off home! Anyway we were on the same train all the way to Manchester Oxford road, then ended up on the same train north of there, but he got off in Bolton and I carried on to Penrith.
Much excitement!

4. Spent a few days in Penrith
I accidentally gatecrashed their refreshers week, so there was loads to do. Was awesome, we went to Emma's (my best friend) SU on the Tuesday night, dressed as cowboys. It was a bit insane, their SU is tiny, it reminded me more of a pub than anything, it was really cosy and cute though. And their drinks were £1 a pint, or a bottle before half eleven, so no complaints there!

The on Wednesday day, I went climbing! Emma and her boyfriend Craig took me climbing in Keswick. I thought I was going to be really dreadful because I have no upper body strength. But I was really impressed wit myself. I eve did a lead climb, and eventually defeated the pink and black spotty route! (Even if Craig did pull me up it)

On the Wednesday night we went to Lancaster on a coach, which took about an hour. we went to the Cumbria uni SU bar on the campus there, then to a club called Sugarhouse. It was actually a pretty classy nice place. But it was a bit empty really, I don't know if thats just in comparison to the always packed Nottingham student nights, but a few more people would have been nice. Still it was good fun because obviously there was a big group of us, and I got a little bit tipsy! Emma took about a bijillion photos. We got back at about four in the morning and sat around in the kitchen for a while, so needless to say . . .

On Thursday we didn't get up very early! Anyway we eventually made it to Carlisle which was cool, it had proper normal shops!

5. Missed my train home!
Yeh, I couldn't find the station. Emma had practicals first thing Friday so I had to walk to the station, which would have been fine, but I went the wrong way at a roundabout, and carried on walking, thus getting slightly lost. Anyway I eventually found the station 20 minutes late. And then had to wait another hour for the next train. Thankfully my ticket covered it which was a relief. I ended up going through Crewe and Derby, I had no idea where Crewe was, so I looked in WHSmith in the station for a map because I was curious. (Apparently this makes me a Geographer, which given I've always hated geography doesn't make a lot of sense). Anyway I got back eventually, and it was all a bit of n adventure really, I love trains so I didn't really mind. I ended up missing hockey training cos I was knackered but Kayleigh and I had takeaway Pizza and Strongbow, so no complaints really!

6. House hunting!
We found a house! Kayleigh and I went hunting most for the day on Saturday and we've found one we love. This morning we went to the letting office and they are writing us a contract as I type! I'm so excited! Its such a nice house, on the edge of Lenton, which seems a bit more secure, and its walkable to uni easily and to town. I love it already! I'm just excited about having my own house to be honest! Here is the beauty!
It even has a garden! And a garage! Wow.

And yes that was my last week. We're going to Cock Soc tonight (cocktail society). So that should be messy! I'm so poor, but never mind! And lectures start tomorrow, yay! I apologise for this rather boring step to step guide of the last week, I don't really have much else to write about today. Oh except one thing . . .

MY ABSOLUTE HATE of underage drinkers, but not all underage drinkers, the ones that just can't take the alcohol, or think they are really hard because of it. Its really not cool to be falling all over the place and throwing up on the street. However, it did provide an entertaining incident on the bus the other day. These two girls, about 15/16 I'd guess got on the bus obviously tipsy. Chavvy, talking really loudly, I was knackered so they were really pissing me off. Anyway, the driver pulls up at a roundabout, not particularly sharply, just as buses do. And they went flying forward, and one of them cracked the windscreen, WITH HER HEAD! I had to laugh into my hand. Unfortunately ours was the next stop so I don't know what happened but it amused me greatly. And the moral of the story is don't drink if you can't handle it!

Two cows

2008-01-18T09:38:00.000-08:00

Firstly I have a little (well long) joke kind of thing to share with you that I saw on my friends blog earlier, made me laugh . . .

I have two cows

SOCIALISM:
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM:
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM:
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM:
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY:
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away due to possible risk of lead contamination from the shooting.

SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows.
None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and execute the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You worship them.

IRAQI CORPORATION:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy....

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

WELSH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

A SCOTTISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
You put a fur coat on one and claim a new breed; you shove a scaffolding tube up the behind of the other one, blow hard and try to make music, ...well sort of...

AN ENGLISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows.
The Government says you have to buy a license to milk them, but first you have to do a risk assessment, which only the government is allowed to carry out. They charge you 5 times the cost of doing it. They find that the three-legged stool is a risk under health and safety. You have to buy the EC(tm) approved 5 legged stool that is designed to support a milkmaid of up to 250 kilos. It is too heavy to carry. The stool exceeds EC(tm) weight lifting limits for workers by 4 kilos, which just happens to be the weight of the fifth leg. To shift the stool from one cow to the other you therefore need a special (EC(tm) approved) trolley . (To book and purchase training for accreditation to the stool moving trolley operatives charter please click here). The new stool and trolley are so expensive that you have to mortgage one of the cows to pay for them and pay for the mandatory training course you must take to get your icense to milk the cows.

You sell your milk to the supermarket chain that pays you peanuts for it, and then they sell it to their customers for four times what they paid you. Then they release a press statement about how wonderful they are to suport British Cows.

The rest of the world thinks your cows are mad; but you, and your cows, know that it is not true, and anyway, the rest of the world have no intention of identifying and counting their mad cows; so people in other countries don't know their cows are really, really, barmy, do they?

You sell your cows to a Polish itinerant worker, and your farm to a Russian 'investment bank', and then you leave to buy a villa by the sea in a country where it is sunny and the cost of milk is a tenth the cost of milk at home. They don't have a National Health Service ......but you are so happy and relaxed your health improves and you live to be a hundred.

Ah, makes me laugh. Stereotypes are always fun!

Anyway I was thinking earlier, I can't remember the last day it didn't rain. Always at really inconvenient times, or just all day. It's beginning to get on my nerves, walking with an umbrella is one of my pet peeves and running with one is impossible. Worse than this though, is the smug middle aged businessmen, who come out of their conference hop into their BMWs then proceed to go through campus, over the speedlimit, spraying up water in a 5 mile circumference around then splashing the poor miserable students who are already soaked thhrough and have spent 10 hours straight in the library. I am not impressed.

I genuinely have little else to report as I have spent all day revising, and slowly going mad. I think I have left you quite enough to think about with the cows to be honest.

First entry and the joys of Central Europe

2008-01-17T16:28:00.000-08:00

I hate (and I mean absolutely loathe) starting new blogs or diaries, particularly when other people are going to read it. I never have any idea how to start, how to introduce myself or anything. My friend and fellow revolutionary Matty (who in fact inspired me to write this blog in the first place, as he started one - yes I'm a copycat, I'd link you to his, cos its actually pretty good, but there's this twat we 'know' who likes to stalk dear Matty, and thus I can't link you to it, in case said twat finds the link via my own blog) said start on the second entry, but then continued to tell me he would destroy my blog before it even started if I copied the idea. That was a hell of a long sentence. The point is however, I plan to leap straight into it.

But first a quick note on both the url of this blog, its title and the elusive mentions of revolutionaries. I'm a history student, who is IN LOVE with communism as an idea (yes I know it doesn't work) and with the history of revolutions. This love first occured, fairly obviously with my study of the Russian revolution at A level. As a result, I have always wanted to have a communist revolution of my own. And when I met Matty about a year ago, I met a similar mind, and since that date we have been planning our revolution, down to the date, and the tactics of the day (storming Buckingham Palace, The Houses of Parliament and then meeting on Tower Bridge to raise our flags). Anyway in true revolutionary style, we've adopted Southern American surnames, so I, henceforth will be known as Clare Quartana, but that's just Ma'am to you.

And finally, the url is in reference to the wonderful website that is http://www.leninade.com/ which I was linked to by someone a while back. I have fallen in love with it. Unfortunately its only available in the US and as such I haven't managed to get my hands on a bottle, yet . . .

And now onto the source of interest for this entry. Well I find it interesting, I doubt many will. Central Europe. My last exam is on Saturday, Nationalism and the State in Central Europe, 1848 - 1914. And so much of today was spent in the library trying to establish whether it was even possible to define Central Europe. Obviously modern history, particularly post 1945, clearly saw two blocs Eastern and Western (not Central), but looking back its not that clear.

Anyway I won't bore you with the logistics. The point is, its fascinating, a real mix of cultures and nationalities, I'd love to visit (I was originally planning to this summer, but now it looks like I might be heading to America instead). It also highlighted the amazing quotes you get in history. Like this one, which pretty much summed up my desire to visit,
'Central Europe is not a region whose boundaries you can trace on a map - like, say, Central America. It is a Kingdom of the spirit.' - Timothy Garton Ash

Doesn't that just sound magical? I have to admit, I kinda feel he's a bit of a frustrated novelist, as elsewhere he talks of squabbling ghosts, but despite that, I want to go, so badly. I have the travel bug, it bit me at a young age, and didn't let go.

ANYHOW, that is the end of this the first entry of my blog, I think in all likeliness that will have scared off all readers for life. As was more a rambling of my thoughts than anything coherent, and more importantly it was to the majority of people DULL AS FUCK I imagine. But it made me smile to write it, so that's something.

Oh and before you go, just to prove I'm not a pretentious git, I enjoy immaturity too
(00:15) Now, Billy Boy's: I wish you could see farts
(00:15) Now, Billy Boy's: Like when someone farted there was a visible little explosion then a cloud
(00:15) Clare//These are: hahah
(00:15) Clare//These are: that would be awesome
(00:16) Now, Billy Boy's: I'm sure with a thermal imaging camera it would look like that